luxe

i just feel so emotionally drained. not upset. just tired. when dan was telling me that he was leaving, i didn’t try to protect him, warn him, mother him, i hope he does well, i hope he gets his act together. i need to start looking out for myself now, and stop letting my husband and loved ones absorb all the backlash. now i just have to decide if i should remodel this shop and still tattoo and pierce by appt or if i should start fresh. i need to talk to the landlord and see what he would help me with and go from there. it is exciting, i can have a beautiful, classy shop, unlike what i have now. even all my bamboo plants in the shop are dying, which seems like an omen of things changing. when i tattooed jason today, we talked a lot, i feel like he is the brother i never had, i mean one i can feel close to, i don’t want to worry for no reason, i want to feel happy and successful, not broke and stressed out and sick. i have so much in my life. such wonderful friends and family. not many people can brag of such fantastic in-laws, they are so supportive and loving. it seems as though my parental relationships are getting better, i hope that continues. i just find that at this point in my life, even if i care about someone, if they don’t treat me as i treat them, i’m gone. i learned that the last time i was single, it seems like we should be born knowing it, but after the last really bad long termer, like a prison sentence really, when i dated, i would get up and leave in the middle of the date and never talk to them again if they made me feel uncomfortable. screw that. if i feel better alone, i have no reason to have anything to do with that person or situation. that should apply to all of life i think. i have the option to to something the way i want to do it and be successful and make my life better and my husband’s life better, so he doesn’t have to work so hard to take care of me. i can’t control being sick, but if i change things to appointment only, if i stay home for a fews days because i am sick, i can. i feel like this is what was meant to be. i have an odd feeling of excited, scary, well-being. i need to just talk to the landlord and find out what he thinks. i guess i should try to sleep, i have been tired since 4p.