pavel and his papa
strangely, when jake falls asleep, there is no cat, pavel crawls in later, and rubs his face on him, he loves him so so much. he bites me.
anyway, my dear friend amy is going to grad school in the fall and may be coming back sooner. i don’t want to say more, but i would love to have her back. hopefully she won’t be bored and sorry and sick of me when she comes back.
my partner at work has his last day on saturday, so that is exciting. not that i don’t really like him a lot, but i do a lot of taking care of other people, and i am very pleased to not do that anymore. i am eager to get the new angle of the business started, get rid of all the ugly flash and make things look fresh. gabe wants to learn the basics of tattooing, i told him that there really would not be room for him to work, but i would show him what i know. he has done so much for me, and if this worked out, maybe he could do better for himself financially. i don’t know. i know simone wants an apprenticeship, but i am not going to have anyone working for me other than a person on phones, or doing cleaning. i want to do cosmetic tattooing, only do things by appointment now. i don’t want to depend on anyone, i want to know that things are done the way i want them to be done. i am sick so much, i don’t want to feel guilty if i don’t come in. my responsibility is to myself first. i can’t be everyone’s mom anymore. after this shit with jess, i don’t need anymore new friends. most people are vampires, and i don’t need to stick my neck out, try to give people a chance to have them rip me off, lie about me and sponge off of me. if their mom’s want to be taken advantage of, their very few friends want to listen to their fake health complaints, stories about love affairs they never had and general bullshit, that is all on them, but i get my drama from general hospital, or reality tv. that fills the quota. it really really does.
i finished knitting the cardigan. i need to put buttons on it, and got ones that were too small. that is it though, it is sewn and looks really cute. i am going to make a matching headband and then i will mail it.
my mom called me to say that the zappos order came and the shoes look amazing. i am excited. i had such a nice time with her on monday, it gives me hope that maybe we can have a good relationship someday. i have never really felt like i am a part of my family, i don’t think they feel any different from the way i do, and i don’t feel like there is anything i can do to change it. i was so close to my dad when i was little, and i just feel like he isn’t very impressed with me in any way. after the whole wedding business, things seemed even more clear, that i am not so important to everyone. not that they hate me, but they could take me or leave me.
um, i am going to start jason b’s hat tonight i think. there is one in hollywood knits that is a seaman’s hat, get your mind out of the gutter, that i think i will try to make.