luxe

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Originally uploaded by natashafialkov.

having a bad day, as far as my body goes. i feel bloated like a blimp and my back hurts, my legs, you name it. all the cats have circled round and my husband is asleep. he has been working a lot and is pooped so much of the time. i have a deep sense of guilt about all of the things he does for me, for us. i do the smallest things for him and it means so much to him. when i make him dinner, he always acts like it is awesome. always. he is so cute. i like to think that i am a good cook, and when i am really trying, i admit i can make a good meal, or good bread, whatever, but there is this beef sweetpotato stew with a thai flair to it that he goes crazy over, or shepard’s pie, or baked ziti. or sugarfree chocolate pudding with hazelnut syrup in it, he acts like it is the food of the gods. he is such a sweet person. so generous, never wants much of anything from me. i make the bed. unpack the dishwasher. cook most meals. he does most everyhing else and works more than anyone i know, and still never gets annoyed at me for being too tired to do things. i am fighting to say too tired and not lazy.

anyway, i need to get a game plan together for the shop or rather clinic, get my press kit and advertising ready to go. i feel like things are coming together. i feel positive about it, excited. there needs to be something like this in the area, and i am here to supply it.

i had such a nice time hanging out with my mom looking at shoes. we like to do the same things. i hope we can continue to have a better relationship. i know that the rest of my family think i am an utter alien, i guess i don’t know what they are about either, not for lack of trying. you can only get shot down so many times before you move on. if they don’t want to know you, they won’t. no matter what. i need to go for a massage soon, i feel like a mess. i hurt everywhere. i’ll be better to-morrow. my friends are such a comfort to me, i have wronged some more than others, and most all have always given me another chance, just acted like it never happened. i got in a fight with amy when jess was still in the picture, and she backed down partly because i think she knew she had judged her at face value only (which was accurate), but mostly because our friendship was more important to her. and i feel sorry for being such a bitch. we did wait to pass judgment until her psycho self surfaced full-on, and even then amy never gave me an i told you so. she listens to my moans and groans and sends me cute cards and handmade things, little presents. she is a wonderful person. the better i know her, the more i love her. she is my favoritie librarian to be of all times.