luxe

tidal wave
Originally uploaded by natashafialkov.

there is a cloud that intermittently rains following me around. it even has made the cats stay away, as they hate getting wet. anyway, i have been really dragging lately, and trying to be positive. i never feel well, and have not been doing all that i feel like i should be doing, the constant problems of anyone who is sick a lot. the story of my life. anyway, i have so many guilt issues over this, i feel like a loser, lazy, a mooch, lame-o. my feet feel so cold that it feels like i have frostbite. blah blah blah. oh, and because that stupid baby sweater with the neck buttons didn’t have a schematic, i screwed up the back and had to redo it. i thought i was almost done. why can’t all patterns have schematics? it would take like a minute to add one, so now, i draw my own, before knitting anything. i will shut myself up about this, or may go on forever and piss everyone off.

anyway, i dragged my sorry ass out of bed, feeling tired and crappy and get to work, only to find these two creepy electrician dudes waiting for me that have to put in the new fire alarm, unbeknownst to me. i have to cancel my meager appts and then i go around the corner to the coffee shop to wait and i get calls who i can’t make appts for because they want to get in today, and i don’t know when the numbskulls will be done. they cracked my floor tile, stunk the place up with their bo, and SMOKED in my shop!! and looked at my in a pervy way. and ask anyone, i never thing that. creepy people always think i am hot. pretty much only creepy people and hopefully my hot hubby…anyway, i got pissed off and tired of waiting and went home.
i started thinking about work, and it being slow, and all these crappy stores popping up, and people wanting their 9 year olds pierced and tattooed and getting shitty with me, and how after more than 10 years i am so sick of it. i don’t want to do it anymore. i say it every so often, maybe i have pms, but i haven’t been helping with the bills, not even breaking even lately. what is the point of that? then i think…what would i do? my health is so unpredictable, i could never work a regular job. and then the guilt…i should be able to push harder, maybe i am just lazy, and that is all…i know i am not. aaaaaaack. i didn’t talk to anyone today, except gabe and terrie from the coffee shop, both of whom bummed me out more. jake told me that all that mattered was us, and even if we had to sell everything it wouldn’t matter. sweet sentiment? it was supposed to be. it made me feel like crying, we went from not rich to homeless. that doesn’t help at all. now i imagine him selling his beloved motorcycle, one of the only things that makes him happy, and me selling prescription drugs and walking around town in a housecoat and slippers. no. anyway, i have a good ad in the local sunday paper this week and the following sunday for the permanent cosmetics, so hopefully that will generate some buzz. also, i need to talk to some local spas, get my guts up. furthermore, i need to talk to the people that want to buy knitting and see how much they want, if it would be more profitable than the ton of money i need to make just to pay the stupid overhead on the shop. it is like a ton of bricks. maybe i will change my mind tomorrow. maybe not. i hate being so miserable and pissy. maybe i have pms. i never know. hmmf.
my last question, to those who knit for profit and design things, if it is a very simple pattern, almost identical to many many other patterns, especially with baby things, if you know what i mean, what constitutes plagerism, what is just shitty to do, i mean i can certainly write my own patterns…if i use someone else’s pattern and change the stitch or add a hood or collar or zip or change where the buttons are, is that still being a bastard, or no biggie. i am talking widespread patterns, not from a boozehags site or anything. any opinions? i don’t want to be a skeez.

smoochies.