luxe

bad hair day
Originally uploaded by natashafialkov.

do you see kahlo looking at me curiously?

so, last night i wasn’t really depressed, for those of you kind ladies who were worried…just thinking about life in general. my friend’s marital problems have made me really think about what so many of us have and take for granted…in general, not even specifically. and in that direction, i have been having a lot of pain and weakness in my hands. i have lupus and fibromyalgia and all that go along with those things, and had hoped that it was just a fleeting thing, having to do with tattooing. it has been getting to the point that i can’t spin, i have to put down knitting, the pain shoots up my arms and seems to favor the right, how lucky. so i have to get a test for carpal tunnel(sp?)in about two weeks where they electracute your hand. or rather, my hand. my whole right arm is, at the moment, really sore. i am also super tired again. i will end the list there so as not to cause anyone else any sympathy pains. my mom stopped in on saturday and asked, after complaining for a few minutes about her ailments, don’t i have a lot of pain? yes. why don’t you complain about it? sigh. so, i am, right now. more than anything, it really scares me. if this gets worse, how could i possibly deal with it? it hurts enough that it makes me want to cry, and normally when i am upset, i knit or spin, and i can’t. ok, enough of that.

after my drs appt, i went to kathy’s kreations and came out with a solitary skein of lamb’s pride worsted in a gorgeous bright green. there is no matching sport weight pink for heather’s hat. so i will probably do something else with the skein of worsted that i have. any suggestions? not something boring. i cannot bear it.

next, i went to knitwits, and got some cascade 220 superwash in bbbb-bbb-bl-bl-black for jake’s neck and armwarmer set for under his moto gear. he wanted black. how very boring to knit. sigh. i do what he wants. eileen, my spinning teacher was there teaching a beginning knitting class, so i got so hang out with her for a half hour. she may do camp pluckyfluff with me. yay!! i love her. she is a really good spinner, but is really openminded to new things, and loves hanging out with fiber peeps. i need to send her the info.

i went for groceries with jake and saw my dad-in-law there. also, i got the last baby pool they had. not the one i wished for, but the best i could get. i cannot wait. i feel like a zombie. zzzzzz.

heather loved the amelia hat. she said she feels like a flapper and keeps looking at it in the mirror when she goes to the bathroom.

oh, last, i don’t know if anyone watched the dead zone last night, but it was based on jeff buckley. it was really cool. i think old anthony michael hall must be a fan. they had a jeffy song as their song last season. odd. the rock star on the show looked strikingly like jeff. so odd.

ok, my hands are really sore, and not wanting to cooperate.

thanks to all of you for the love. you are so good to me. i cannot wait to see some of you at camp!!

xoxo
n.

summer is always such a melancholy time for me. familiar smells, after rain, of cigarettes in the breeze…i look up at the giant moon, i am barely able to make out a face, and the stars, the same stars that were above me when i was little. and lost. alone. i wished i had a twin sister then. not friends. but a twin. exactly like me. that would understand. that would get me. in a way, i feel like i split. my paintings, sculpture-my knitting, whatever i make, it is her. it is the good part. it reassures me that i am a real person, no matter what anyone has ever said. that my clothes-however awful or wonderful, my friends, or lack thereof-they don’t make me what i am. i don’t remember my childhood well. i am not sure why. i know that i was sad and lonely. i felt unimportant, unloved, untalented, ugly…bad was all i remember. animals were my only friends. creative things were all that i had. the only things that couldn’t be lost or thrown away in the next inevitable move.

now i look at the sky, i still feel small, but i feel connected to it, and to everything. i have a wonderful husband that would do anything for me, the kind of man that i never could have even imagined…better than a fairy tale. better than that. not that i was a fairy tale kind of girl. the kind of man that i would haunt if i were to die before him…i couldn’t leave, i would hang around and watch him eat and sleep…

i have friends who love me, worry about me, think about me…that would call if i moved away, would come to visit if i had my tonsils out…would say nice things at my funeral…and make that same ghost that is following my husband smile and giggle…and when i was not following jake, i would follow them, see what they are eating, follow them to the woods, picking berries and kissing their dogs plain on the mouth…friends that would travel far to see me married, even if my “real” family didn’t find it that important…it makes me cry just to imagine it…

i have kitties who sleep with me, on my pillow, above my head, on each side of me, so that i cannot move…smell my breath to see what i have eaten, come to visit when i am not well, and miss me deeply when i am away. their little souls are like lightbulbs in a dark tunnel…their little hearts beat so strong-i listen to them beat and breathe when i am sad, and i know there must be something out there…my same ghost would love to see what they do when no one is around, sleep probably…but they would know i was there…

i look at the same little hands that i looked at more than 30 years ago, and i know i have all that i need…all that anyone could want…i have my own family now, my own house, my own things, my own life…it’s pretty good.

i hope i am not too mushy and gushy. i feel mushy for so many of my new blog friends who i never would have known, if not for the world wide web. how crazy! so kisses to all of you…you know who you are!

bad hair day
Originally uploaded by natashafialkov.

let me start off by saying that i do not know how to ride a bicycle. as a kid, i didn’t know how, my mom told my older brother to teach me, i was traumatized and made a decision to never learn. never. ever. never, i say. let me go on to say that i really like scooters. super cute. 120 miles to the gallon. everyone insists i could still ride one. pretty sure you need to be able to balance somewhat. i am probably going to try to learn. we will see. oh, the humiliation i will have to suffer. gabe’s friend came to the shop with this bike he had gotten 1 year old and used for a grand. it is so very cute.

it was busy on saturday. it was a really nice change. after work, heather brought over barbq from my new favorite joint. yumm! and butter came over, too. we had a nice time. we went to a nearby custard stand later and then i knitted while heather did strange things to my hair involving yarn. the amelia hat looked awesome on her, and butter wants one too, but not in pink. i wanted to start the cravat from teva durham, i see it, i want it, winnie knits it, i want it more, she encourages me to knit it. i knit it. so i go to knit it, can’t find the magazine, i am going to tear out all the articles and patterns of interest and put them in a binder. anyway, i realize as i am wanting to start it, that i need sport weight yarn. drat! all my sport weight yarn is cotton or kids stuff. i have a drs appt to-morrow out toward kathys creations, so i wil pop in and get what i need. i may get some other stuff from knitpicks for the sake of money. it is so much cheaper than anything other than lion brand crappy non wool stuff.

today, i am back on the exhausted thing. we got ready to go for groceries, got to panera to get some lunch and i started to feel hot and squirmy, i have hideous cramps, it was a full moon just a couple of days ago, and we went home. i hope to be well enough to do what i need to do to-morrow. dammit! i promised heather i would come over and swim, but if i feel like this, i won’t be doing anything.

i am finishing tivoli STILL and for some reason my stitches are coming out twisted some of the time, so it goes painfully slowly. i don’t know what i did. i probably reverted to combo method and seated all the stitches wrong. who knows? ack! i don’t want to start anything, just want to have it started and…well you know.

i am grumpy and tired. sleep tight.

i wonder if i can touch all of them?
Originally uploaded by natashafialkov.

first, check out the other photos that go along with this one of pavel playing with the blooberries. they are funny. this is a reminder to vote for PAVEL! i never shut up, do i?

thanks for all the complements on the amelia hat shite! i just realized that i told a bunch of people that it is .com, not .org! so make note, all…i will go back and change it…

last night, i was looking for balene II knitting needles, which amy pointed out to me that the points were just like the bryspuns, but much cheaper. they have circs now, and i realized that joanns online had them on sale, and they were already cheap, so i picked up like 15 pairs of them, some straights, some circs. they are really great for everything, especially stuff that wants to split. the circs would be great for tops! wunderbar! fantastisch! i put it on a card, even though i don’t have the money. i got point protectors for .99, super cheap, so go check it out. the only suck was that the shipping was 10 bucks. i guess having tons of needles to me is like having every size screw and drill bit one could ever need for my husband. happiness if having every needle you could ever need. and i still won’t. they only have 11in and 29in. what is that all about? that is where the cheap comes in. i hope the circs don’t suck. the cords may be bad. i find even with expensive needles, ie crystal palace, etc., there are metal joins that snag and make the yarn not slide nicely. other than turbos, as you all now, which have really nice joins. so i will let you know. yinz. that is ya’ll in pittsburghese. yinz come back now! giggle.

ok, that is really all. i was going to get the intereweave knitter companion because it was 40% off from jojo’s and i said, i don’t need it right now and i am broke, so that is how strong my will is.

i need to get some armwarmers started before work. wish me luck….

yinz have a nice day, n’at.(and that)
smoochies(sloppy kisses),
n.(natasha)

pink a rama!
Originally uploaded by natashafialkov.

sooo. drama drama drama. my friend who has been having marital problems decided last night to get a divorce. i came to get her and hang out, although you all know i am not such a night person anymore, and my night vision isn’t great so i get freaked out like an old lady when i have to drive. after we hung out for a while, we went to walmart, because it was around midnight and we needed some stuff, particularly the diet 7up with splenda. delish. and cannot stain your clothes! fabu! anyway, we run into some people she knows who tell her that they saw her hubby the night before grinding on some young trashy girl. it didn’t do much to improve the mood. he admitted to it. i am not sure what will happen. he is begging her to give him another chance. if he won’t get therapy, i would imagine it won’t last too long. it was a full moon last night, and i have been feeling pms-ish and funky, and i was tired and got really sad when i came home. i sat in the car for a bit and listened the the stereo really loud and looked at the moon. i then ran inside and vomited. i feel almost like i have sympathy pains of some sort. my stomach is churning all the time, i feel sad. i cannot imagine getting divorced. it is so easy to take your life for granted. you are sick, or broke, or whatever. it means so much to have friends and a home and kitties and a wonderful partner who respects you and loves you and doesn’t get shitfaced and grind on hoochies 10 years younger than he is. i bought jake some candy at walmart. i knew it would make him smile, lighten his day. i knew he would appreciate it. not that that is the reason i do things, but it doesn’t take a lot. so many other couples don’t do nice things for each other, or say nice things, or feel them. it is really sad. boo said she had been having a rough time and snipping back and forth with hubby, it is nice to know that you feel bad to be snipping, it is just stress, some people do nothing but scream at each other, and don’t think it is strange at all. how sad…around 5 years ago, i found myself alone, many of my friends picked him over me, all of my other friends lived far away, except for john, who moved to pdx not long after, and all i had was my kitties. it is a lonely feeling. enough of that…

it has been really slow at work. although it does give me time to work on other things. if things don’t pick up, i really need to figure out what to do. gabe tattooed a grapefruit today. i felt like mr. miyagi bitching at him not to do this, not to do that…i wish i had learned from someone. my partner was supposed to apprentice me, i learned nothing from him.

as you can see, i finished the amelia hat. it came out super cute and was really fun to do, as winnie told me, that i would get it. i want to make a scarf to match, for heather, but i don’t know what to do. i may do armwarmers as well. any ideas? the pattern said you need more than 200 yards of worsted weight yarn, i didn’t even use a whole skein of worsted brown sheep, the most fun yarn to knit with in the world!! yay for energized yarn!! i love you so!

i tried on tivoli, should have taken a photo, i think due to my large and growing bazoombas, it just hits my belly button, even though it is the length that patterns says it should be. i will make it a few inches longer, so i will be knitting it forever. it is my work knitting, since it is mindless. i may start the wrist warmers tonight. i don’t have 2 sets of 7 circs to knit it in the round and i don’t want to use dpns, although i may, so i may just knit them flat and sew them. not a big deal.

i have felt like a kidney thing was coming on for a while now, and have been peeing a lot, so with that, i must go and pee. there are a bunch of new photos if you click on the zeitgeist, mostly knitting, some of vintage finds, others of pavel chasing blueberries around. he pawed every one in the bin. ew. also i found some phantom poos on the way down the stairs today. i fear kitten may have been playing with poos. ewwww! then you puts his paws on jake’s mouth while he is sleeping. ewwwww!!

hugs n love,
n.

pavel and his papa
Originally uploaded by natashafialkov.

…in the cute cat contest on lucia’s blog

in other news, i went out last night for dinner and barnes and noble. can you believe it? also, i am slated to work on Butter today, and i think i have a hair appt, which i better not have to pay for, to touch up and correct the color in my hair.

i am halfway done with the amelia hat, but i thought i would have more time to work on it yesterday, and finish it, but i didn’t have any time at all. also i forgot to photo the farmer’s market again.

in rude neighbor news, jake and i got 2 little bird feeders for pavel to watch the birds, he loves to chirp at them…so our neighbors got a gigantic bird feeder with a covered top, so the birds use it as a bird bath too. so in essence, rather than put it somewhere else in his yard, where it originally was, he put it about 2 feet from ours. so he stole our birds. what is up with that? i want to get a birdhouse the size of a shed, a mansion. jerk. he moved it even. it is actually in the way of his kids swing set thing. hmf.

gabe and i are trying to get organized for crafting…for anyone reading this that lives within driving distance, aka, heidi, jacey, we are trying to start a local annual crafty chick or dude show in the fall. pittsburgh is about an hour away. i will be emailing you guys to see if you would be interested. i know if people like heidi from mpc would come, that they would have some following, and other vendors as well that would be willing to come…anyway, please contact me if you think you would be interested.

i best go drink my coffee. oh, i must say, once i got the hang of the amelia pattern, it is so fun to do, just like winnie said, and it is gorgeous. you can’t do it around anyone who is talking though, you have to count.

don’t forget to vote!
xo, n.

knitting update
Originally uploaded by natashafialkov.

so, check my flickr if you want to see a few other knitting things, including tivoli, which is now a few rounds from completion. those plain rounds are so boooooring!! also, there are some of the thriftstore finds in there and in need to take some photos of other stuff and post it as well. i started the amelia hat last night, well actually i started it during the day, didn’t listen to the instructions which told me to use a plain color yarn or you will not be able to see the pattern and used a variegated yarn from my stash. dummy. so i started again and got the hang of it, short rows, increases, decreases and a really odd pattern, which is gorgeous. i am proud of myself when i learn something new. i am doing it in rosada rose brown sheep worsted from the stash which is gorgeous. i am making it for heather, who will go nuts when she sees it. nuts! she asked me for another animal hat with ears, which i will probably make as well, but this is too cute. it is like a flamingo pink. i love brown sheep. i wish it was a bit softer, but it knits up so nicely, i lOOOOOOOVE singles, and is so nice to knit with. i think it is an energized single, as they call it, and it makes me not want to set the twist when i spin, it is so awesome and fun and looks so springy!

in other news, one of my really good friends who has been fairly unhappy in her marriage told me last night that she told her husband that she wants to separate for a while. if they do, i think that will be it. he has been partying so much and i think she is realizing that it is a real problem, it is affecting his life in a really bad way and hers as well. i was really proud of her. i never know with her what will happen, but i feel like this will be it. she even told him to sleep in the other bedroom, so they will be like roomies. i dunno if she will go thru with that.

also, a gallery in pittsburgh called blue ruin is closing its doors after 5 years, which is really sad. but art and money don’t generally mix…i used to be really involved there and was kind of a celebrity when i went to the openings, mainly because i live an hour away, so no one knew me, and i had to get really tarted up…their closing show is thursday if anyone wants to go out and support them. i may go out with heather if she wants to go. jake offered, but he works the next day, so i dunno.

i didn’t dye yesterday, or die, thankfully, because i was so exhausted. i decided i would try upping my pain medicine like my dr had suggested last month, and whilst i don’t feel like running a marathon, i feel much better. my glands are the size of shooter marbles and my throat is super sore, so i know that my body is inexplicably run down.

i worry that i shouldn’t say personal stuff so much in this blog, that i should keep it upbeat and not talk about being sick. i never see that in other blogs, other than straight up bellyaching, which i hope is not how i am perceived. i just hope that if someone else has health issues that hold them back, they can relate to someone and not feel like a lazy loser, like i often feel, even though i know i can’t control it. ok, i best get my coffee and knit on amelia a bit. farmers market is today, and it is super rainy! suck! maybe i will take photos, like i always say i will.

oh, and please vote for pavel!!!! in the cute cat contest. and check out lucia’s wonderful blog!

soooo, i entered the link wrong for the cute cat contest… please vote!!
we all know how bad he is…really bad! but really really cute. i felt it unfair to put peeps in because she is too cute, she would win hands down. but go there and vote! ok!

edit, i think this link should work now. it is embarrassing how challenged i am. i will lose due to technical error. in the picture he is sleeping a basket way bigger than him full of yarn, with a little sheep. how can he not win?

i am so exhausted. i feel like a ran a marathon every day. i haven’t, if you were wondering. i haven’t even brushed my teeth or had my fantastic medium roast coffee yet, even.

i have been having really crazy dreams every night…last night’s installment, i was at a phillipino wedding at a super ritzy club, ellen degeneres was there and paris hilton’s mom. jake was mad at me the whole time, because i kept forgetting stuff everywhere, and my little brother was in it being an ass, like usual. also, all my stuff was outside in the rain. hm.

my secret pal emailed me, and she is a high school teacher like my friend heather. she seems really awesome. i wish i could have the positive vibe about me. i have always wished that. i mean i try to be positive, but you know how that goes. i can’t wait to find out who she is.

i am almost done with tivoli, i have probably 10-20 rounds left. i have a pattern for slippers that are knit flat, that i want to make for my mom in law, and maybe some other peeps too if they come out well, and the amelia hat. i tried to do socks, and got really stuck, so i am going to skip the middle man and take a lesson. it is frustrating me and i think i have better things to do than waste my time getting frustrated. so, i will wait.

i am going to try to get motivated and shower and get overalls on and start to DYE. i just want to dye. you know what i mean? i feel like i am gonna dye. i am gonna be dyeing soon. i’ll fill you in later, wish me luck…

xo, n.

ooooh am i pissed off. when i first started knitting, i realized that i had developed a really strange method. people commented on it. i searched to find out what i was doing, as i was having a hard time learning new stitches because of it. i got annie modesitt’s book and realized that i was basically doing combination knitting. i swear that i followed her directions. well, i was looking at the knittinghelp fantastic website and realized that when using this idiotic method of knitting, rather than it’s non-dipshit cousing, continental, you cannot use it for…CIRCULAR knitting, you need to do it a different way. what way? CONTINENTAL! furthermore, increases and decreases need to be done differently, in that you need to take the stitches off, reposition them back on and THEN do your increase. the idea behind this stupid method is that it is more comfortable and faster…it is faster if you are knitting flat and have no increases or decreases or buttonholes or well, anything but straight knitting. asshole. man! so i had to relearn how to do a knit stitch. it obviously can’t be THAT different, but it is different enough that it will slow me down. anyway, suffice it to say, i am a plain old continental knitter now. i know annie wants to reinvent the wheel, and there are techniques that are a bit different, but it even irritated me when i originally read her book how into herself she is. she is very superior and then gives you this inferior method of knitting. assbackward. ok. that is all. anyone who wants to defend her…give it a shot, maybe i am misunderstanding what a dumb method this is.