luxe

so, i finished my 5th scarf in2 days. i also finished almost all of the projects i am working on, save for two baby sweaters that need to be seamed and blocked. and the other handwarmer. so after knitting feverishly, i find that i feel really down. anyone else? i hate it. also, my hands ache and my legs ache. lots. i may take a bath. and see how that goes.

for the studio, i am up between a dusty dirty pale pink/choco brown combo or the color of kiwi green that black sheep makes. the photo i have is not nearly accurate, but it is the color of a really ripe kiwi, or moss on a tree…really vibrant. would that be too dark? the pink would definitely be nice. for sure. i love that color of green, but will it look awful in the room? do not know!

i am proud to say that i had some cheese, diet 7up, 3 cups of coffee(1 caf, 2 decaf), pain meds, 6 sugarfree red twists, a low carb candy bar and a handful of almonds to eat today. and if you say that is why my legs hurt, i will tell you, i normally eat like this. so if you say that is why i feel crappy all the time, i woudl tell you that i go through spells trying to eat better, and i feel equally as shitey. i do.

i drew up a really cute design for a little doll, i will try to post it to-morrow.

i am ready to be out of my shop. a girl stopped in whilst i was tattooing that wanted the webbing of her hand( if you spread your thumb and forefinger apart, that webby part) pierced. having been a pro piercer for more than 10 years, i know that it was big years ago, and the people that came up with it in the first place stopped doing them because they never heal, get torn out and get infected, badly infected no matter what you do. you know why? because it is your fucking hand, moron. a few weeks ago another fucktard called wanting to get 2 piercings on her back to hang angel wings on for halloween. this has been done. not that way, and again, by people who abandoned it after realizing the serious problems that can and do occur. the professionals decide it is a bad idea. and when i explain this to her, and that it would not be healed by then even in dreamland and if someone touches them, if they have not ripped out from the weight of their stupid wings, it will rip out then. “fine! i will find someone that WILL do it!” send me a photo after they have been ripped out because scummy mcdipshit was the only one who would do the piercing because he needed money for crack. good for you. how did i get so bitter and jaded? it is time. boy is it ever. i am now realizing how many things there are around me that i could participate in to sell yarn, and whatever, besides all the cool craft fairs. it wasn’t an option before, i would have to miss a weekend at work. not anymore! i need to continue cranking stuff out. i just get freaked out when i think of all the old bills that won’t be paid at the shop and moving out of there, not that jake won’t take care of the move…i just want it to be done already. i feel like i should stay until the end of the month to make a bit of money, but it is so hard. like the last days of school. senior week. i told a salesperson on the phone i wasn’t interested, and when they asked why, i said i was closing the store! yay!

in other strange news, no one in the family knows. granted i just decided this over the weekend, but i haven’t told them yet. i don’t know why.

oh, i sent my secret pal her package more than a week ago and she has not emailed me to say she got it. she also never answered my email…again. would it be wrong to tell the secret pal people about her, lest she tries to do it again? i feel for however had her as her pal…they probably got nothing. maybe a phantom of the opera tshirt and hat and snoglobe….

anyway, please let me know what you think about the color for the studio….kiwi green, or dusty pink/choco brown….

6 poor photos, by gabe!
Originally uploaded by natashafialkov.

next time, take it in the mirror. you know? myself. i asked gabe to take the photo, because i have been shaking like a leaf all day and jake took the thing that attaches the camera to the tripod off, and this is what i got. the other two don’t exactly showcase the scarf. ah well. and also he took pics of the arm warmer, which are equally bad. why is it that just about no one i know, who is not a pro photographer can take a decent photo? why, oh why? i will take new photos to-morrow.

so, i was really dizzy today. i felt at 2 to check out the salon…whose name i later realized had the words, “extreme makeover” in it. gaudy? you ask…i wish. it had flouresent lights, stencilling all over the walls, it was really crummy. depressing. really depressing. i tried to poison myself with perm solution. that is how depressing it was. and the lady was pushy, she is trying to make a new business work, that in my opinion will be nothing but a pain in her ass, and sees me as free money. she started telling me what WE could do to get my business off the ground. this after finding out that there is a high pricetag attached to it. she wouldn’t tell me what she wanted for me using the space, and that was also a bad thing. she started talking about what to put in their plywood marquis about the cosmetic stuff. um. i don’t think so. i need to get a list of spas ready and make appts to talk to them.

i am also on my second scarf for the boutique, i hope to have another done tonite. we will see.

everyone check out christine’s new site in progress!! supa swank!

xo,
n.

more nightmares. i didn’t eat this time. i also remember to sleep with my hand brace things on. i finished a scarf in a short period of time last night for either the boutique or handmade arcade. it is really pretty. photos later. i swear it. i want to stay home and organize/knit, but i must go to work. also, i am supposed to go and look at the salon today, also. and it is rainy and crappy out. and farmer’s market today. also i need to call my landlord and tell him i am moving out. i have so many ideas for the studio.

ok, i have to shower and go to work. here i go.
xo,
n.

i had all sorts of things to say, and now they have left me. i went to pier one today and picked up some organizational things, some boxes and some baskets that hang on the wall, and some little ones to put on my desk, or in my desk to put pens and pencils, etc. i am so excited. anyone with a pier one local check it out. they have tons of stuff way on sale. cute things. i sorted a lot of my yarn and put aside a bunch of novelty yarn from australia that my mom got me. if anyone wants some or has suggestions for a charity i could send it to, please let me know, i hate to keep stuff i will never use. so i organized a bit and got all of the other yarn containers out of the bedroom and i think jake was pleased.

i am going to start cleaning out the shop in my spare time there, getting rid of stuff, mostly. i have a metal rack that i will take home and some shelves, some of which i will paint. i am even excited to take the paper slot wall hold thingies home. and hanging them, cause i am a dork that way. yup. we are planning to get a big bookshelf so i can make space in the studio. that is even more exciting. yay! i am planning to do a full-on purge, clothes and all. shoes, you name it. heather will think it is christmas. and i want to paint the studio, it is gray at the moment. any ideas on what colors are supposed to spark creativity? i am notoriously bad at picking paint colors, they always end up being really bad. so let me know…i may put a poll up, if i get a few suggestions.

in other news, pam got the yarn i sent her. lily has not yet emailed, and she should have gotten it, i sent it priority. sheesh. i am told that my little barn order went out saturday, which i am sure is a lie, it seems that fiber places are all really shady about telling you when stuff goes out. you know? shady! i have roving that needs to be spun already, so i think i should spin it all before i dye more. to get motivated.

i cannot stress how exciting it is to get to start a new career. the first ever time that i am choosing on my own.

i am going to get knitting on some scarves for the boutique just to get some cash coming in, and some hats for the kid’s boutique because she said the fall stuff will start to sell soon. one of my local shops has a little girl that comes in most of the time and she said i could use her as a model for the hats, so i will take photos. i swear it! 5 scarves this week. that is my goal. maybe 7. no 5.

off to knit.
xo,
n.

so, i had nightmares about the shop last night. it was like a dump. and my old partner was doing cosmetic tattooing out of it, without knowing how to do it, or using the proper inks, which among other things, like turning really strange colors, can blind you. he didn’t ask me but was working out of the shop. also in my dream, gabe told me that he didn’t like me, and never had and all sorts of bad stuff. and i told him he had broken my heart. all this bad stuff was happening and i couldn’t do anything about it. it was really crazy. i woke up shivering, because the temp in the house was 64. cold! the other night i had a dream that jake’s sister in law butchered meat herself for christmas present to everyone. she is in osteopathic school and is a total asshole. and in the dream she cut all the meat up in tiny pieces with a steak knife. hm…

last night i was dizzy and queasy and i took migraine stuff and nausea stuff, so i think it may have made me dream bad things. i woke up feeling all upset. then i thought, really soon, i won’t have to go in anymore at all. i can stay home and knit and spin and dye and not feel guilty. i will be doing work! are you kidding!!!? no!! dooooooooo dooooo lalalalala!!

i have a drs appt and then i am meeting heather for lunch and then getting groceries and then i can spin or knit or whatever. i am on the ribbing part of the handwarmer. the cables were so fun to do. and easy. pics later. i promise. all i can think about it getting my studio ready and buying organizational things andhaving all my stuff around me and pictures on the wall and yay!!! ok, i better get moving…

thanks to all of you for all the kind words. i feel much better. really positive. really excited.
xo,
n.

the new fialkovs
Originally uploaded by natashafialkov.

just a quickie to introduce alec and daniel, the newest additions to our family. my mom went out to “help” my sister-in-law with the babies. she loves babies more than plastic surgery..well, maybe, so is probably just freaking out in her babydom. there are some other photos on flickr of the 2 year old, maddy being ignored by my mom already. she is not really a baby anymore. i feel so bad for her. she is not the only child anymore. and she is only 2. anyway, congrats to my brother and his wife! alec and daniel are very cute. i don’t know a single dan that is good news though. hm. i best start knitting, huh?

gorgeous colors, hideous fotos
Originally uploaded by natashafialkov.

ok, i got tagged by several differnt people…my answers are bad and i cannot think up better ones. i am senile. really…
5 movies i have watched recently…
1.shit, i can’t sit through movies lately, actually for the last few days. so in fact, i used to watch really long, drawn out, foreign flicks, greenaway and such and loved them. the dandy warhols dvd, only bits and pieces though…
2. i accidentally saw a bit of “trucks” c.1997 that is about a group of people trapped in a diner in the middle of the desert and terrorized by trucks with no drivers in them. when anyone tried to do anything to them, the beeped their horns. very frightening!
3.hedwig and the angry inch, i watch it anytime it is on, even though we own it on dvd.
4.that may be it. i am short attention span theater. i knit or read or blog whilst the tv is on, so i never really watch movies, and i can’t bear sitting in a theater, i get panicky and need to pee a hundred times. how about 6 ft under, a tv show..

5 mp3s in my playlist
1. anything from Cousteau
2. anything dandy warhols
3. the white stripes friends song, even though i don’t like the white stripes THAT much. i don’t like seeing guys weiners thru their pants. ew.
4.the saddest song, morphine
5. open arms, journey. how can you lose?

5 nice things that happened to me today…or how about in the past few days…
1. my twin nephews were born..
2.my jake sent me a gorgeous bouquet, just because he knew i had been stressed out.
3. the seafoam colored 100+ year old drop leg, drop leaf table that i wanted at ufo but did not buy was picked up and delivered to my living room by my awesome in-laws, and it looks amazing, photos to-morrow…and heather and i rearranged the furniture and it looks gorgeous!
4. i came across old paperwork that sparked the realization that not only was the shop not going anywhere, but that i could get the ton of bricks off of my back and do my own thing…

5. my last client of the day on saturday recently took over a nearby hair salon and asked if i would be interested in doing permanent cosmetics there…based on seeing my work!

i won’t pass this on, just because, but if you want to, feel free.

so, i tossed and turned all night, although it was nice to get to snuggle with jake and the kitties. i woke up and read the isabel allende book, eva luna, that jake got me, which is really good, the style is wonderful. i really like hispanic writers. they have always had such politically charged lives, just due to the upheavel in their countries and it is a strange juxtaposition between having such a sad undertone on top of a fable…when i got up, i didn’t feel great, i felt tired and sad, i think. after showering, i felt dizzy, which is not abnormal. i told jake i would get groceries on monday, so i could stay in. we went to lunch with his parents and i got really dizzy and nauseated and started to sweat. when we got time, i put a cold washcloth on my face and i felt ok. it comes and go. my pain patches aren’t sticking, and i think they could be releasing the medicine too quickly, or i may have one of my migraines that have all of the symptoms, except for pain. i took migraine medicine and nausea medicine, and i feel better, if drowsy. i have a drs appt to-morrow, so i will ask. i stopped at barnes and noble and got the new interweave knits and vogue knitting. there are some neat things, mostly i like to see what is new.

i need to find out what advertising costs in there. i started some 4/4 cabled wrist/handwarmers for butter out of kiwi worsted brown sheep, but they came out too small after the cabling, so i will keep them myself, photos to-morrow, they are gorgeous and cabling is so fun. i may be done with one to-morrow. i made up the pattern, it took me a few tries, but it is really fun to do. i love cabling. i am using a short circ needle instead of cable and it works great. cute! it gave me an idea to make a glasses case out of it, as well. it looks so cute. and i could line it with cute fabric, maybe with a matching purse. really really cute.

so, i have 100% decided to close the shop. i feel really good about it, and super excited to be able to pursue my love of fiber almost full time. thanks so much to regina and pam, and jacey, tara and amy, among others for not only being supportive, but for making me feel like it is a great idea and i will be successful. not many people get to do a job they love. it will be a great opportunity for me to do things right, the things i didn’t do right in my last business. and, if i work out of home, i can write off part of the mortgage and bills, as well as part of the car payment under some conditions. that rocks! i am afraid to get super excited and wear myself out. i have been known to do that, like with the permanent cosmetics, i want to do everything at once and when things don’t move at my pace i get tired of it. or scared of failing. i think that a young me would be proud of me now. i am proud of me. i cannot wait. i need to come up with business card for the knitting, i should talk to diana…again…and gabe thought that “two tears in a bucket..” which is a saying from the garden of good and evil ending in “motherfuck it” would be a good name, but i am not sure that he will follow thru with doing the fairs and selling on a website, so i may wait and see what he does and do my own thing. i want him to take this great opportunity to do well for himself, but i cannot make him. and it frustrates me.

i mentioned to heather that she upset me when she kept interrupting a serious conversation about the future of my career and life and she said she wasn’t paying attention and didn’t realize i was serious. she said that i had mentioned closing so many times that she didn’t know i meant it. it sort of made me feel like she was saying that i complain all the time so no one knows if i am serious. among other things. i left it at that, but it really hurt my feelings. it is a bad excuse to say that you never pay attention to anything anyone says and make dumb comments. she also said that she thought that basement studio was a good idea, still. hmf. i sound like an asshole. i kind of am. ok, i am soooo tired. i need to be, also.
pics to-morrow.
love you all…
xo,n.

so, i was at work today, it was super slow, as usual these days and gabe asked me if i was going to close the shop. i hadn’t said that much about it to him, i complain and threaten every so often, i never felt like it would happen. i didn’t mean it. anyway, when he asked that…i just thought…yeah. i think i should. it doesn’t make money anymore. i saw paperwork from 2 years ago, before there were so many many shops so nearby, and i had really busy days in the winter, busier than any day we have had all summer, when normally we are slammed. i have done this for more than 10 years. i really enjoy tattooing, i feel like i am getting comfortable with it, finally. the piercing, i am so done with. but even still, to say it is over, it is over. done. door closed. really, there have been signs and i though before about closing and just doing cosmetic tattooing out of someone else’s salon, and i chickened out. i have done the same thing for so long. there is a point that you need to admit that it is done. that it isn’t beneficial, anymore. that it is a financial drain, a physical drain, and i am not a person that competes. it is not who i am. i will not be that way. i am not a backstabber, and undercutter, a one-upper. i don’t want to be. i do a different thing. still, it is sad to close a door on a third of my life. bang. done. i think it will be a good thing. but still sad.

so, i feel really sad tonite. heather was over and we had take-out chinese and chatted. we had a really nice time…however, when we were still at the shop and i was talking to gabe about the end of the shop, she started talking nonsense and interupting every other word and i got really pissed. it was really odd. she said that i could convert my unfinished dirt floor coal covered stone walls and 5 ft ceiling basement into the cosmetic tattooing studio. she said it could have a dungeon theme. she was kinda joking, i hope so, anyway…this in the middle of a serious conversation with gabe. i wanted to tell her to shut up. i don’t like being like that. it seems like the more of a bad mood i am in, the higher strung she is.

later, the woman from a shop up the street dropped off something my mom bought for my brother’s new babies, because my mom asked her to leave her store, unattended, i might add, to bring it for my dad to pick up, because he can not get out of his car, i guess. then, my mom asked her to pick up clothing she had altered from another shop and bring it to me, and leave her shop again, so my dad doesn’t have to leave the car. my dad comes by my shop and beeps, regardless of what i am doing, so i can run out and bring it carside. bobbie, the woman who had to bring the stuff down, who is a pushover seemed very peeved at being treated like a slave. it is amazing that my mom does this shit to everyone and thinks nothing of it.

i hope you didn’t make it to the bottom of the page. i am ms. buzzkill. herself.

that lady does not know how to spin
Originally uploaded by natashafialkov.

sooooo…one of the ideas i have for coming up wiht a name is an anagram of my name…so one idea is SHANT FAIL, it isn’t all of the letters, but it is kind of ok. what do you think? any other anagrams? i got a few suggestion that were good. and flattering, too. i should probably sit and leaf thru a dictionary. i also found some hebrew and russian names that were nice. i will post them later for your consideration.

i woke up super tired, although my back is better and my hands are not killing me.

last night i dyed 3 batches of fiber, including 2 batches of merino with the mulberry silk/bamboo silk to match it! how awesome is that? we have a towel warmer in the bathroom that i bought jake for xmas a few years ago, and i hung the fiber on that, after letting it dry outside a bit (a new tabby that hangs out by my birdfeeder has been caught messing with the fiber when it hangs outside, so i didn’t want to leave it overnight to be stolen by a cat), so by this morning, it feels dry. the silk smells hideously awful, although jake didn’t think so. to me, i know i have a really really sensitive sense of smell, it smells like a combo of farmyard animals and mothballs. yummy! it still smells like silk, but after washing and dyeing it is not nearly as bad. so the batches with the silk are turquiouse and fushia, so purple where they intersect, and i had to overdye them to get the dye to take to the silk dark enough. it looks really pretty though, with the shine. mmmm. the other batch has a bit more pink with the turquoise again, and a batch that was meant to be green and pink, but it didn’t grab like i wanted it to, dunno why, and is a more pastel green with blue, purple, pink. it is pretty though. i weighed the fiber first and did about 4 oz in each batch of merino and 2 oz each of the silk. i think i know someone that would enjoy spinning this up.

jake is going to md to help amy move tonite, this is amy’s LAST day of work, so three cheers for amy…HIP HIP HOOOOOORAY!!!,anyway, i am supposed to hang out with heather, so i hope to do some dyeing tonite, as well.

i called little barn last night to see if my package got sent out, nooo, and i added some dyes to the order because i am running out and theirs are cheap. and they use them, so hopefully they will be goood. they are sold in bulk. i like that. hardcore. it may go out saturday. or not.

i hope work isn’t so slow this weekend. if it is, i may really have to think about abandoning it. god!

i think i may spin a bit before work. i hope i can spin tonite, if not dye.

citruswodisguise2
Originally uploaded by natashafialkov.

first, let me encourage you to go, now, to monster crochet.com…not only is it soooo cute…crocheted chickens in all different colors, among other things, but this woman knows her stuff. in a big way. and she is a soul sister. and you can buy her stuff!! badass!

in other news, my mom called and asked again if i couldn’t get all the knits for my sister in law, the new babies, and my niece done by later today…no? but she really likes one of the baby hats i am selling at the kid’s boutique up the street…hint, hint…she couldn’t possibly buy it, it should be free…if i made it, it is worth less…you know? grrrrr.

work was incredibly slow, i think most of the businesses were. the fact that there are a million tattoo shops cropping up in the area doesn’t help, either. i need to advertise the cosmetic tattooing, but i don’t know where do it. the good places seem so incredibly expensive. really.

we watched the new show “so you think you can dance”, in which the dancers are unexpectedly AMAZING. really really really good.

jake leaves to-morrow to take the roadtrip on his bike, the longest ride so far, and his ass will be aching, that bike is not meant to be ridden for long periods of time, with jason h to help amy move. he is a good baby. i am glad to have amy back, although she won’t be around long before going back to school to be a librarian. yay!

i sent out my secret pals package today, and hopefully she likes it. who knows, she never blogs, never responds to emails and moved without forwarding her address. pretty cool! yeah! so whatever. my pal that sent me stuff was incredible..you hear me pal! you rock! you are the reason that i am doing it next time. she is so sweet and thoughtful and send me emails to tell me to have a nice day. so awesome. i hope to find out soon what her blog is, so i can add it to the list! yeah!

SO HERE IS ANOTHER CONTEST…i tried this before, to no avail, i am trying to get a name for my new brand of yarn and goods…the person with the winning name will get a skein of handspun, of my choosing and some other goodies, as well…so send me some ideas…please…i am stumped…

xo,
n.