luxe

so everyone has seen the “why do we blog” questions going around, and i think i actually posted on it a while ago. my poor memory. poor guy. anyway, whilst reading ash’s amazing blog, she talked about it being mostly for creative reasons, as opposed to be about your personal life. i got burned, early on, when i made some posts about my personal life and got in big trouble for it. the thing is that i wasn’t being mean, at all, i was being honest, and actually really softening things and not being specific with names (except with my parents, which was like an explosion…i worry about even saying that…there are spies out there). i do still blog about issues, but mainly with people that i am no longer in contact with, that are pretty much out of my life, if not out of my mind. on the flipside of that, there are a lot of blogs that have nothing of the person in them, everything is vague and boring and for that reason, i don’t read it. it doesn’t look great, nothing is going on, when someone is so afraid to open up to anyone, they aren’t even open to themselves. it reflects who you are, some people are private about their personal lives, but very open about their work, their art, their likes and dislikes, hobbies, pets-and that is more personal than what you look like, your adress, anything. so, when ashley said that she doesn’t like to publish photos of herself, her vivid blog shows much more of who she really is than a photo ever could.

through journalling i have started to…notice things. when i was a kid, i looked at the ground all the time when i went for walks…i was looking for stuff. and i found stuff. everytime, money, doodads, cool things. if i hadn’t been looking, i never would have found those things, despite the fact that they were there.

let me jump ahead to college drawering…i am tense and near tears…when no one is around, i draw pretty well, in class, i feel like i can’t see and like my hand is attached to the wall…my professor, who is such an amazing artist that i feel like a loser, tells me to just relax and draw and see, not think, just see. and i didn’t understand. i got more and more blocked and it wasn’t until 10 years later, maybe more, that i actually got it. i always was a slow learner. so i was younger, trying to be hip, as the young do, they can’t help it, and i was producing stuff that was not honest. why? because i had no clue what i was about, what it was about, i couldn’t really see. it was about the piece looking cool. interesting. i couldn’t understand what abstract art was about. or what was so great about it. i didn’t hate it. i just didn’t really get it. and now, i am hypnoticed by a color. a texture. the way the light shines through something. i can see. and being a good artist, writer, anything creative, is about being able to really take the time to absorb your surroundings…and i find that taking loads of photos has been a huge help in this happening. basically, you see something and stop and take a photo of it. and there is another thing…everything i used to do was figural. everything. if it didn’t have a person in it…didn’t like it, for the most part. i didn’t like any colors but red, black, amber. i bet i was really fun to hang out with. what a dork.

one thing i did learn in school is how important journals are. the blog made me stop doing a written journal, although i still keep a sketchbook, since i was a kid i have, even if i was drawing cartoon puppies, and it is so important to constantly make stuff. all different kinds of stuff. that is where inspiration comes from, that is how you remember ideas that are on the back burner. so i have been cranking lots of stuff out, and it is very exciting. i sound like a dork, don’t i?

so, to sum up, it is not until you are able to just do things and not be self conscious and worried about doing super duper perfect amazing stuff all the time, it is about communicating, creating something that makes you feel happy, content, whatever, but something honest. and that is all anyone can ask for. comparing yourself to anyone else is impossible and no good can come from it. it is just you. and you know what? that is a really good thing.

i have a snoring cat on me, and it is tricky to type, so off i go…
xo,
n.

p.s. i went to add a photo and saw that i could see who have favorite’d my pics, how nice, and saw this person’s wonderful kitty photos and the photos are gorgeous. even people with awesome cameras take shite photos. if you are reading this, it probably means you. do you cut off the feet, or head or arm of someone in teh photo. can you see the ceiling in the shot but not the person’s arms? do you use the flash all the time. do you EVER push the focus button to let it focus? do you take pictures by a window with good light…no? you take shitty photos. this person, takes great kitty photos. enjoy. and some people favorited mine! not a lot. a few. and some of them didn’t even know me. can you tell i am getting slaphappy. next i will telling people i love them and then trying to hit them. not cool.