the puncher.
just wanted to let you know that i am feeling better today. still a bit out of it, for example, i thought it was tuesday or wednesday (notice the “or”)not sure what the hell is up with that. the nice comments meant so much to me. it is strange to say, because i think in a lot of ways, i am really confident, but i worried about the super negative crybaby post after i wrote it that people would not want to read it, would see into my soul and see something bad and dark. and in the end, that part of me…the girl that was always new, foreign, funny accent-having, brother’s clothes wearing that had to act aloof, if not mean, to distract from her small stature and lack of self-defense skills that had nothing anyone would want. being smart wasn’t a benefit then. being able to draw wasn’t either. and that was really all i had to offer. and when i get sick enough, tired enough, i lose my grip on who i am, and feel like i have fallen into a pit. i wonder now if admitting to feeling like that and moving on will make it go away someday. or if that girl will always be there. somewhere.
anyway, i got a lot done today. i skeined up 10 bobbins. 11? jumbos and spun a few skeins to boot. and did some painting. really pretty, too.
oh, also, i was watching “6 degrees” tonite and there was a dude called “the puncher” that was going up to different dudes and sucker punching them in the face and then when he was caught, they realized that he was punching all of the dudes that had screwed his wife. so one woman saw it in the newspaper and found out that her husband was one of the men that had been punched for screwing the wife. so not cool. but funny. the puncher.
xo
n.
Stephanie said,
October 13, 2006 @ 2:07 am
maybe the girl will always be there, but I think we can get to a point where we can look back at that person inside us who was so wounded and feel how much we have moved on.
And its ok if we temporarily feel we are back there sometimes. Its ok. I dont think we ever really go backwards.
I am sleepy! Hope that makes sense.
And maybe too, people will read your blog and say, oh ok, I am not alone in this feeling bad, someone else out there knows and she gets through it and perhaps I can too. Its a gift, to be able to be so honest and to share what is real for you.
jenifer74 said,
October 13, 2006 @ 2:18 pm
i agree with above comment…she’ll always be there, b/c she’s been involved in creating and coming to be the person you are…when i feel sick like that too (besides feeling like i’m always going to feel this rotten) i lose it a bit too…i sympathize entirely…
it’s good to recognize so much though & be thoughtful about it…& blog about it!
natasha said,
October 17, 2006 @ 12:53 am
stephanie, that is so kind! wow! it is odd because normally i really feel positive. it really is mainly in nightmares and when i feel too sick to do anything, and then i have nothing to offer anyone (in my mind) it also pushes me to be productive. to prove, i really am who i am. so strange. really a lovely comment. thank you.
natasha said,
October 17, 2006 @ 12:55 am
jen, i hope so. i try to be positive and not stay in the miserable past…it is odd that is comes out when we are sick. and god knows, your poor tummy…that may leave you unable to think at all. poor girl! you are always very inspiring and kind. that’s why everyone loves you! too bad we couldn’t have formed a little girl art gang to help defend ourselves, eh? steph, you in?