luxe

we were getting dinner started when our friend jason called to say he had been in a motorcycle accident and could we come. we drove into pittsburgh immediately (which was the longest hour of our lives) to found a really shaken up jason looking small in the hospital bed with the neck brace on. he seems to be okay, although his one foot and ankle are pretty banged up.

when we got the call, i initially thought, as jake spoke on the phone, that it was his dad or brother. and i was freaking. then, he told me it was jason and i started to shake. like a leaf. both of us were in high gear (jake not even grabbing something to eat, i put some m and m minis in my purse from halloween, some knitting and a book, and i got two necky things done, too!) and on the way to the hospital, i said to jake “you don’t realize how much you care about someone until you think they may have been hurt.” and jesus, it does really say something. i was shaking, instantly shaking. and when i saw him (and i know jake is the same way) i just wanted to hug him and hold his hand and make sure he was okay. i made friends with the nurse (hi jessica! you rock!) and the staff at presby were super nice, but he had to wear the damn neck brace until a radiologist came in to read the film, which will be in the morning, i understand.

it is a funny thing how we feel like we have 50 more years to live, we can do this or that whenever. healthy people don’t consider that they could get sick, get hurt…get killed. one of my favorite artists, eva hesse (daughter of herman hesse, sidhartha) worked with resins, and developed brain cancer due to it. she died when she was 34, and spent as much time as she could cranking out more work. what would it be like if we did that every day? every bit of energy we had after taking care of the necessity of life, we worked on our life’s passion? can you imagine how much we would have to show for it?

it was a rude awakening for me, too. i do as much as i can. but i don’t do enough. and there are things that are really important to me that i just don’t have the energy for, that get pushed to the side. i am going to make a schedule, weekly, monthly, and a list of things that must get done. i am more in touch with this mortail coil (giggle) than most people my age, but not so much in touch that i realize that i need to get my ass in gear, before there is no ass and no gear.

to all of you that agreed that when you are at your lowest, you dry out. nothing creative comes out. and when you make nothing, you are nothing. (not exactly, but you know what i mean) i am making a promise to myself, as well as you, that as long as i can hold a pen or needles, or whatever, even when i feel utterly wretched, i will make at least one thing on that day. the bad bad dark days. i will document that moment, and by doing so, i will remind myself on the good days that they are a blessing. not to be wasted, and that the bad days, even then, there could be an idea, or an image, or a book i read that sparks a new idea for a new series of work. there is always something you can glean from any situation. and i challenge all of you to find the pinhole of light shining in on your darkest, blackest days.

i am super tired, and may have to get up early to pick up jason, so i best go. i fear i may be ashamed after i read this to-morrow. but i feel it now. don’t waste time. what is so amazing about most of you that read this blog (besides thinking i am a nice girl)? that we are not the sort that piss around and act mean and waste time, we are the sort that make the most of whatever talent, time, supplies and brains we have. we wear many hats. we have been in books, written books, we READ books (big fat ones!) we know tons of stuff, we aren’t afraid to learn new things, we are smart, educated, we are generous with our knowledge and anything else that we have.

this blogging experience has been a turning point in my life. my artistic side has grown in leaps and bounds…why? because of all of the amazing support and input i get from all of you! for the first time in my life, i really feel like i have a huge circle of friends. and due to my big mouth, i think you have a good idea of what i am about, warts and all, and you still like me!

i started the blog to try to overcome my technical retardation. not too long after that…i opened luxe. and the rest is history. or herstory if you went to a women’s college like i did.

enough!
so much love to all of you. your support and kind words mean so much to me, you cannot imagine. i feel like i have the coolest, craftiest badassed gang of chicks backing me up, and that more than i ever dreamed of.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo…and a couple more xoxoxoxoxoxo
n.