blah. blah. so blah.
yesterday i was exhausted after our day out. i forget sometimes why i don’t go out a whole lot. i start to think that i am just being lazy or uptight. in reality, i get really pooped really fast, like a baby. or a cat, maybe. anyway, i woke up this morning feeling beyond exhausted. i was hoping to get up earlier, but i had to take meds before i felt well enough to even check mail. i will be heading down for coffee in a bit and i have been up since before 8. it is now after noon. i hate it. we had a really good time yesterday.
while we were out jake took some photos of me unbeknownst to me (i was in a junk induced euphoria) and when i saw the photos i was truly horrified. i am not trying to be self deprecating, i really am unhappy with myself. the worst part is that i know it is because i don’t exercise. i don’t eat a lot and i really don’t eat anything bad, or not very often, anyway. i have major food issues as does my mom and my grandmother. i was on the atkins diet and lost a bunch of weight but literally lost the urge to eat. anyone that says that diet doesn’t work isn’t actually following it (or has a serious hormonal issue. my appetite absolutely went away. and i was thinner than i had ever been and was totally addicted to losing weight. the thing with that diet is that i am an all or nothing obsessive kinda gal so i couldn’t start adding carbs. ones i was off of the extreme phase which is less than 20 grams of carbs a day, and i was literally doing way less than that. just sugarless gum, sugar free chocolate (i found some brands that are soooo good) and coffee. if i have to start adding carbs to do the maintainence, i can’t do it. i fall off the truck and slowly gain the weight back. which is what has happened and i am not happy about it. i have to exercise and the thing that sucks is that i know that i have limited energy and if i blow it on that, i may not have any left for work. my mom keeps telling me that i will have more energy if i work out, but lupus and chronic fatigue (and then some) are not the same as just being out of shape, you know?
okay, well, coffee time. yay!
xo
n.
Katrina said,
July 16, 2007 @ 7:33 pm
Hi Natasha
I had to respond to this one. I think I know how you feel. I have gained weight in the last couple years due to the meds I take for my illness.It is so frustrating. They give a very distinctive shape to the body that I cannot stand. The only way to counter act it is to literally stop eating fat. All fat. The doc says not even excersize will make much difference. I feel helpless about it. And a bit hopeless. Not sure what to do. I know it is not quite the same thing you are going through but I think the feelings are and you have my empathy. If it’s any consolation I think you are gorgeous.
flutter said,
July 16, 2007 @ 9:00 pm
you and I are on the same wavelength here…
Riin said,
July 16, 2007 @ 10:29 pm
Hi Natasha. I recommend No more headaches, no more migraines by Zuzana Bic. She writes extensively about nutrition, telling you what you need and how it works in your brain and your body. Essentially if you eat a low fat, low refined sugar, high complex carbohydrate diet and drink lots of water, you’ll feel a lot better. Really, a lot better.
natasha said,
July 18, 2007 @ 11:08 pm
hey kat, i feel so bad that i haven’t called you back yet, i am really behind due to being totally out of it. i will call ya tomorrow afte ri pack ordres…
flutter…i think we all are, huh?
riin, i will check it out! i actually was on a low carb diet for quite a while and my fat intake was fairly low, as well and it didn’t make much of a difference, although certain foods do bad bad things to my head for sure. i am always open to new things though! thanks so much!