izzy fetches! i dunno how i just figured this out, she would bring me stuff all the time and i never thought to throw it for her. she just keeps bringing her hairties right back to me. i had another cat that also fetched, but she just looooves it. and she has more energy than 100 kittens, so this is a great discovery. my arm tires before she does. cute girl.
so in the news, yesterday, i went to the drugstore and my windshield wipers were frozen. i got everything defrosted and the wiper on the driver’s side doesn’t work. i didn’t have gloves on and it has been below freezing so i was out there swearing. if it weren’t for jake, i probably wouldn’t have even had a scraper. anyway, i ran to the store and wanted to stop a couple of other places but was afraid it would start snowing, even a bit, which would be really really bad since i had no wiper on my side. gah. and then today, it snowed all day and was freezing cold and there were all kinds of really bad accidents on the news, so i couldn’t go to the post office. i am really glad that jake is out of town this week. i get really freaked out when he has to drive to work when the roads are like this. and tonite the temps will be in the teens. so.
i have done a ton of spinning this week. i did some really cool ones today, too and one of them snapped whilst i was spinning it and lost the end into oblivion. any of you spinners had that happen? gaaaaah! i actually got up and left it when i was trying to skein that one. the worst part is it is this stupid pom pom yarn that i wasn’t going to ply and then decided it was to blah as a single and now i trashed half of it probably. and it took me forever. stupid. i had a bad migraine last night and actually showered, turned everything off and just lay in the dark, which is so not me, not matter what, and i woke up feeling hung over and crazy. i did about 6 hours of spinning even though i felt really crummy, but i feel really good about the fact that i have been pushing myself. i plan to tag and list some things tonite, too, and then photos to-morrow.
in the past few days, i keep reading and seeing and hearing things about being and doing what you want to be doing and being. from everywhere. i feel like someone is trying to tell me something. i have been really trying to figure out what i can do. there is this big give and take with my health that when i push, it pushes back. sometimes i am not sure when i am giving up too easily or if i am being smart. but in the end, am i really going to be glad that i took a break on this day or didn’t do this, you know?
i have always been amazed at anyone that can do one kind of work for their whole life. for example, someone that only makes yarn. i think that my flakiness in this regard is one of my worst attributes. i want to do everything. i want to know how. i want to be good at everything. no one is. the whole jack of all trades master of none, yet when i am too tired to be producing anything other than fiber, i feel guilty. i know it is stupid, but i have always been that way. there was a time in my life that i really did do it all. i was in bands, in school with a course overload, working full-time and then after that volunteering at multiple places at once. i start to get manic and not sleep when all of that happens. i get excitable and just can’t sleep and i end up getting really sick, and my body says “when”. even still, i don’t learn from it, i just feel guilty and less than what i should be. and that is just as bad as not doing what you could be doing. so what i am asking, i guess, is how do you know where your limits are? i always assumed that i would be able to get my MFA. i realized quickly that my health makes scheduling impossible. that broke my heart. but is it really a cop out?
so here is what it really is. i have to push as much as i can without pushing myself right over. i need to be more like little izzy…she lives in kitten glee and runs until she can’t. and the conks out.
i spoke to someone that had grown up in the same place forever and stayed because of kids and family, etc. some family members passed away and she realized that she didn’t have forever to be somewhere that she didn’t want to be. so she and her family moved across the country. i would love to do that. i know that for both jake and i, living in an area that you have lots of stuff going on and lots of people around is inspiring. and even more, i wish we lived somewhere warmer. this shite is utter misery. i haaaaate it. anyway. food for thought. i just need to make a plan for life, or rather lists of things we want to do and start working on it. time flies by so much faster every single year. it really does.
okay, off to tag some yarns and list em. go over the www.luxe.etsy.com site to check em out…
xoxo
n.
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Hello, I can relate to that real craving to want to do so much…. and be able to do this, and that and yet more of that! It’s not easy juggling different ideas, i know, and not just ideas but obsessions and then keeping the energy levels. I push and then get tired. My brain and my body are not always good at communicating…:) take care Cathy (november moon)
Oh my goodness!
I feel the same way. In a way, I’m jealous of people who are content in their 9-5 job. They come home, make dinner, go to sleep and do it again. I think there would be comfort in that routine… however, I know that I couldn’t exist that way. As far as I can remember, I’ve spread myself as thin as I could… and still felt like I could do more. I’m SO not a type A, either. I’m scatterbrained and disorganized. I’m an impatient perfectionist in that I want to instantly be good… at EVERYTHING.
And the opposite often happens.
Anyway, you’re the best judge of your mind and body’s capabilities. It sounds like you knew when to push it and you now know when to pull back.
Maybe you just sense that something incredibly inspiring is rumbling around nearby!
Also, I hear you about this weather. I actually cursed it out loud when I walked outside this morning.
Grrrrr.
cathy, i know. and then when i literally can’t push i feel extremely guilty. sigh. yeah, my body really needs to start reading the damn memos!
christina, i am really disorganized, too. when i attempt to “organize” my stuff, i can’t remember where i put it, although a month later when i find it accidentally, it is in a smart place. i am okay with things not being perfect, but i go through obessional phases with whatever the thing of the moment is and then when i get pretty good at it, i am fairly sick of it because i was being so nutty about it in the first place. if that makes sense. no moderation here.
there is always something inspiring , it is just a question of if the ole body will cooperate. damn thing. i may trade it in for a kitten body. it seems like fun. play, eat, nap. play, eat, nap.