luxe

somehow i have been in a world of my own and didn’t realize that maryland sheep and wool festival is this coming weekend. i don’t think we will be going. i mean, i know that jake will go with me if i ask, i just haven’t made any plans, whatsoever, and haven’t been listing new stuff because i swear i have been sick for the last month, so i am broke, too. hm. who out there is going?

in other news, despite waking up feeling beaten (again), i got some dyeing done, talked on the phone a bit and then totally crashed out for hours. you know that kind of sleep that you are completely baffled when you wake up and look at the clock? the craziest part about it is that i have still be exhausted at night and falling asleep at 1 or 2a, despite sleeping until 7 or 8 sometimes. i have to get all of my lupus, fibro, cfs, etc, etc, etc, bloodwork done to make sure that there isn’t something up. i keep putting it off, like everything will be okay if i don’t get the tests done, ya know? my allergies have been crazy, too. for example, i have tears streaming out of my eyes right now and i am not sad. plus the constant snot dripples. sexxxxxy!

and a few links for ya…
how cool are these organ shaped water bottles? pretty damn cool, indeed.
and you can engrave your laptop, or moleskine, or whatevah at engrave your tech.com kewl!!!

more to-morrow.
n.

well, just a quick post to say that i am indeed alive, and that i appreciate that anyone is wondering about me. i have had the migraine from hell that just won’t go away. it kinda goes away and then comes back that night, or i wake up with it. when i don’t have a full on migraine, i feel out of sorts, so i know it is going to come back in a few hours, which it does. since i have had good migraine meds, i rarely get this knocked out, but once you get into the cycle, it is hard to get back out of it. i have actually had some projectile vomiting. seriously. for the migraine pros out there, you know how usually you feel it coming on. nauseous, dizzy, sweaty…these ones…i feel bad, my stomach hurts and then…i hurl. and hurl. and hurl. like when a little kid hurls out of the blue and you can tell they are surprised and then start crying? like that. it is very odd.

the only thing i could think of is that i got blow pops to put in with my orders, i usually don’t eat them. i have been eating them, a couple a day (i share with kahlo. bad. i know.) and i am really sensitive to tons of foods, scents, you name it. that is the only thing i have done different, so i wonder if something in there caused them. sounds odd.
otherwise, not much. jakie is going to be gone most of the day to-morrow, so i plan to get some fiberliciousness done in the meantime. let’s pray that the headache nonsense can just be over tonite. fingers crossed. i must say, vomiting and black spots and dizziness really don’t mix well with getting anything done. le sigh.

mwah
n.

so, where have a i been for like…a week? well, i had the curse, okay? cramps, crazy stomach, migraines (several) one that caused me to think i had accidentally poisoned myself (not sure on what or why, but ya know) and i kept puking up bile or something and was so dizzy and screwed up that i woke up jake, again, thinking that i was poisoned and if i lapsed into a coma, i wanted him to know what was going on. um. i have spent just about all of the weekend sleeping or puking. we were supposed to go out with butter and lauren, and i really wanted to, but i felt all screwed up and sick and it was a good decision because the aforementioned migraine happened that evening, and being out would have been a bad thing and probably made the migraine/vomiting bad enough to get me in the hospital, which i hate so very very much. once you get dehydrated, you are kinda screwed, ya know? i have had that odd feeling all week, so when i got the migraine, it made sense. i also have had the mega super snoot, so at one point, i told jake that his breath was gross and after he left the room, i could still smell it, so i realized that it was in my head. or something. le sigh. so we did nothing this weekend. well, jake did stuff, i lay around and did nothing. i did work on some paintings and sketches in between being super sick, but i didn’t even go online because i haven’t been able to see, etc, etc, etc. i am feeling better now, though. damn ovaries. nothing but trouble. ya know?

3 of the house mixed media pieces had a cup of wash water fall on them. it was izzy’s fault, she tends to reach up onto high shelves and knock stuff over, but it was mostly my fault for leaving anything out, so. i fixed them, used the matte medium mixed with gouache so the paint will not smudge, and i like them much better with the changes i made, although the linework is still not up to par. i haven’t painted in ages, so i am getting my hand back. it takes time, i know. wanna see em?

i have a bunch of good links for ya. so here…
http://www.petermarigold.com/
http://photoshopdisasters.blogspot.com/
watch this!
look at this…
and this
and this
watch this one

not much else to report, because well, i have been sleeping almost all of the time i have been incommunicado. i am hoping to feel good enough to get work done this week. i have been working on some polymer clay dolls, too. i will keep ya posted. i did some sketches, too.

oh, i watched the jacket with adrian brody and it was a fantastic movie. it was on hbo, and i thought it was the jackal because i didn’t have my glasses on (like usual) and my vision is getting much worse, but i get headaches from my glasses so i don’t wear them and can’t see. anyway,jake asked what the movie was and when i told him he said, the jacket, maybe? and i said…that makes way more sense. anyway, it reminded me of jacob’s ladder a bit, but it was really a cool movie. and surprisingly uplifting. in the end, it was just that no matter how bad life is, when it is over, you wish you were alive again. it is never too late to do things, it is always better to have another chance. so. also, we watched a few minutes of a movie called beerfest and i was amazed that movies like that are able to be made. of course, the guy that makes the girls gone wild videos is a gazillionaire, so, i shouldn’t be surprised that anything is done, really. ya know?

so, i am hoping that my period will be done to-morrow, i will feel good, my head will be clear, i won’t be dizzy, nauseous, tired, etc, and will be ready to get some stuff done. i haven’t done much spinning and i have been really eager to do so. so there we go. i have 2 custom yarns to do and i need to get stuff finished to send off for some shops, and i really need to get a current art portfolio together and try to get into some shows/galleries. we will see.

i missed you guys.
xo
n.

so you might wonder if i am posting from san francisco. if you do, well…no. ms. peeps had a severe fit of constipation, so bad that the voracious eater wouldn’t eat anything, not even tuna, and her belly was all hard and distended. we gave her a total of 3 enemas in 2 days, to no avail. the last two had a bit of oil in them and so she had greasy…leakage for the past couple of days that made the house smell oh so lovely. i felt like i had poo on me so i have showered even more than my usual two a day. grody. an hour after i needed to be at the airport, she started eating and clearly felt better. so. i was bummed out to not go, but i have actually gotten lots of stuff done here. when i get to be on whatever cracked out schedule i like, i get stuff done. especially when i am awake until the wee hours. plus this whole daylight savings nonsense throws me out of whack.

in non poop news, i got some other collage work done, the oval ghost house is done, plus a small canvas and another almost done, another just started. proof? okay…

i went to my local art supply and got some new watercolor pencils and sticks, one is called “inktense” by derwent, so i am hoping that can replace the pens. i also got some lining brushes, i opted for a value pack from there, that look to be decent quality, but i am so hard on brushes and i refuse to use the sable ones, so it worked best. leave me some feedback on the house series. i lub it. i really do.

i did some spinning today, i need to get some batts done, etc, and my studio is such a disaster, i really need to try to get it organized. it is gross, really.

xo
n.

ms. peeps is really constipated again, except that now, she isn’t eating. this cat is a super eater, even though she is really petite, she has always been a pig, so when she turns down tuna, i worry. we had one more of the pet-enemas, which we gave her to no avail, nothing. she pooed out the blue enema gel and some bum goo, but that was it. she also barfed up some bile (i assume) and was just really lethargic. she went down with jake and ate a tiny bit of tuna and drank some water, which i think may be all she has had in two days. i had a migraine that kept me in bed all day and i even slept last night. i woke up from a dead sleep at 3 a.m. (i think) and ran to the bathroom in a cold sweat and was sick as a dog. after showering, i got sick again and then fell asleep until this morning. i have had waves of nausea all day, too. maybe i got it from peeps. anyway, where that is going is that i was literally unconscious all day yesterday, so i have no idea if peeps ate at all, but i doubt it. she normally does come to see me, or will lie next to my legs, or in the bedroom, but most often she sleeps in the bathroom laundry basket/pile and over the last few days, she has been much more affectionate and clingy, which is odd when cats feel sick, they normally just want to be alone. anyway, she is really smelly, even though i tried to clean her up with baby wipes, so she will need at least a bum bath tomorrow. she has such a fuzzy bum. sigh.

that said, i am supposed to go to san francisco on monday and if peeps isn’t eating and looking better by sunday, i can’t go. i know from my sweet black cat egon, when they get sick, especially when they are older cats (peeps is 15, believe it or not), things can go bad fast and i can’t expect gabe to force feed her or to follow her around to see if she is eating drinking and cleaning her bum. so wish peeps luck, okay?

otherwise, i did get another of the ghost house mixed media collages done, i didn’t get photos yet, but here are a few action shots…

i initially was using fine tip brow ink and then using a wash over it for the outlining, like on the last house collage you saw, but the tips just don’t work so well over the different textures and gouache, they refuse to write every 5 seconds. eventually, i realized that i just need to get better at doing fine lines with a brush, and it went much better than i had expected. i do need to get a few new fine brushes and spend a bit more money on them. i have lots of japanese calligraphy brushes, but they are in bad condition from using them for washes. still, i feel like it came out okay. i am still having issues with the shingles on this one. i ramble.

i am sleepy, so off i go. snoooooooooore.
n.

ReG, originally uploaded by Chris Da SaXmAn.

so, if you have been wondering what this character has been up to, he is living in england with chris, and just making a total nuisance of himself. sorry chris.

i haven’t been able to sleep so well lately, or like last night, almost not at all. so i am a bit shaky, you know that feeling? i have been obsessively working on the house collages which are become more complex and i am starting to hammer out some of the issues and glitches. the one pictured here that appears finished (kinda) was finished until i kept fussing with the roof tiles until i got to the point where i am…i can’t stand the damn roof, so i need to rip that off and do it again. hopefully i can get it off withough causing damage to the piece, it really does take me quite a while to do. i sat outside although it was chilly to just sketch the shapes of the houses across the street and took some photos, just to have. i also trolled around flickr a while ago to look at other old house photos and found some incredible houses, some that look like the earth is trying to take them back, just amazing. i am interested in something like that, too. the house kitty corner from us here is really run down, but i love the way the siding looks, which i think i will use on the next one i work on, after the oval one in the photo. the oval one is actually done as far as all of the collage pieces are concerned, i really like how it looks so far, it is two houses in that one. i just need to outline all of the siding and roofing tiles and give it a little inkwash and go from there. i added a teensy bit more color to this one, don’t know what i will think o fthat. anyway, i am excited about these. anytime i draw a door or window on to the houses, they just don’t look right. it drives me nuts. don’t know what that is about. i need to go online and see what the word is. i do put chimneys though…so maybe it is saying something about being inside and letting things out but not letting anything in? although how does the house get its fuel if there are no doors or windows? hmmmm. anyway, i am really wanting to apply to some galleries, and get my portfolio together, my statement and try to do that. i will still do my fibery endeavors, but i really want to try to overcome my fear of getting that together, which then would mean i need to approach galleries and maybe get turned down…a lot. sigh. i just have to be a big girl and do it. and try to grow as an artist, in every way that i can. the thing that really is important is to treat it like a job and to do it no matter what, by a schedule. it you are training for a marathon and never go to your training sessions, chances are, you are in trouble. if you want to grow as an artist and don’t stick to your work schedule, same deal. you don’t just get better, or good, by osmosis. the artists i have known that are the most talented tend to be people that do work every day. it is their job. it is their love. it is who and what they are. being lazy doesn’t tend to yield results.

i am super sleepy, needless to say, but i wanted to pop in, les you think i am MIA. i have lots to show you and i am doing all i can to get all of the fiber weighed so i can list it tomorrow and over the weekend. so if you contacted me about something you wanted and didn’t get any message from me yet, shoot me another message. i am a flake. so. sorry about that.

i have been hyper and tired, forgetting to eat, wanting to sleep, can’t sleep, kinda hungry, don’t feel like actually eating, and we go to san francisco next week just for a few days. i am very excited to go! i get to see my super good friend barbe, rumor has it i am going to see diana fayt’s studio and i am hoping she will let me play with some clay. dunno. as you know, it was my focus for my degree and more and more i realize how much i miss it. i am excited to see everyone! we are only going to be there for 3 days when all is said and done, so not much time. kinda sucks. i will try to blog better to-morrow, i am just totally loopedy loopeyman.

i need to dye some fiber for a custom order and just get the studio and orders, etc, in order. it is seriously driving me nuts. i spent 16 minutes looking for my drafting rulers. i am sure when i buy more, i will fin the old ones. so damn annoying.

xo
n

what is this a photo of? answer correctly and you will win a little something.

firstly…it was 60 degrees today! it is supposed to drop down drastically overnight and then a snowstorm, but my oh my, was it nice to go outside on the deck to hand laundry (not that it dried) and not even with shoes on! it was a bit dreary for some of the day, but just being able to open the windows is downright sublime. i am not easily exciteable (outwardly, anyway), a fialkov trait, i think, but when you get to smell the damp soil, like when i go out to garden, my heart just soars. i feel like becoming a jogger. or learning to ride a bike. then i get my head back and just go and stand in the grass with bare feet. and that is pretty good. it really really is.

i was so inspired by the amazing weather that i did a bit of straightening up, the aforementioned laundry, moved some stuff around and then spent hours on another of the “house” mixed media collages. this one, no windows or doors, but siding and shingles on the roof. i dream about the work i have been making lately, or i do drawings after i take my p.m. medications and i don’t clearly remember making them (i am really odd at night, i make an effort not to call anyone or buy stuff online because i don’t tend to remember, i assume at the moment it seems like a super idea. sometimes it actually is, too.) i will post photos to-morrow. does anyone know what the meaning of a house with no doors or windows is? it does have a chimney, though. anyone? i kept fussing with outlining the shingles until i mucked it up, so i forced myself to just put it down until to-morrow. i have a huge problem with seeing the larger picture in anything i do. i get so fixated in the details that i screw with it until it is screwed up. when i was tattooing, this was something that absolutely tormented me. i get so so close to whatever i am working on (like my nose would touch it) and details drive me insane. for that reason, i don’t tend to work on things that are really large. i would obsess until i just didn’t want to look at it ever again. here is one of the early versions of the house series, i don’t think i posted it yet, did i? i am not terribly proud of not having much else to show you guys.

so about the fire. on sunday morning, early, jakie woke up because he smelled smoke. he never wakes up. i could smell it, too. it smelled like marshmallows burning. he went all over the house, to the furnace, nothing. in the morning, he went to make me my sunday breakfast (cause he always brings me coffee and blintzes or cereal and yogurt or whatever for breakfast. he is so sweet. i should be doing it for him, sweet boy. he asks me to come downstairs. he sounds stern. i don’t wanna go. i ask him what it is? did peeps pee on something? did i leave the back door open? what could it have been? i go downstairs, he tells me to look in the microwave…there are the charred remains of my embroidered lemon tea towel (part of a wedding gift we got from my friend rosa! i still have the lime one. sob!) sitting in there, and the microwave is all filled with the greasy smoke, which the magic eraser took right off, btw! the only thing i remember was that i had a headache and went downstairs to microwave my mint mask (one of my secret pals sent it to me, whoever it was, if you still read my blog, i use it ALL the time and would like to get another one, or find out what it is in it to find another…drop me a note. it is mint they say, but it smells like lavendar and something else, too.) i put it on top of a towel so that it wouldn’t touch the bottom of the microwave (why? not sure) and took it out and went upstairs. i thought i had burned my mask by heating it too long because it smelled a bit funky, but i am guessing that the smell was the tea towel smoldering. should i worry about my mask catching on fire? and anyway, the microwave contained the smoke and the flames and is a generally safe place for a fire because it will put itself out, which it clearly did. the bad part was that i didn’t notice the towel smoldering, or the bit of smoke at that point, unless it was that slow smolder? dunno. not good. we do have smoke detectors all over the place, though, and clearly it didn’t make enough smoke to do more than smell like smoke. we thought there had been a fire in the neighborhood or something. i also went through some severe sleepwalking spells years ago when i was under a lot of stress and misery (pre-jakie times) and i would do stuff and totally not remember it. jake has dealt with me in some times that i am stressed or have a really bad migraine and i don’t know when it is, where i am, and tend to try to leave. it is freaky. it is like being a blackout drunk, i think.

the other odd thing i have been noticing is that i have no appetite. i have gotten myself to always eat as soon as i wake up, and i went from not being a breakfast person (you guys need to figure out what you can eat and just work with it. you will eat less in the middle of the night. believe me!) it used to make me feel nauseous to eat when i got up, but i started slow and now i am hungry when i wake up. and i don’t do anything first. this morning i was busy and had coffee but forgot to eat and then i was on the phone whilst doing house work and house artwork. hee. anyway, i forgot to eat. so by almost 12m, i ate some shredded wheat, a lightnfit no sugar added yogurt and black coffee with one raw sugar. (white sugar smells like bleach to me, i don’t even use it to bake. blech. i have sugar cubes for anyone that might come over and want white sugar (my in-laws are sugar people. i think the brown stuff is scary. my parents, also. they use sweet n low.) but that is it. i literally forgot to eat. and i am not even hungry. i think that on days that i feel the least bit energetic, i am so driven to go and do and get and do and do and do, that eating just seems downright secondary, ya know? i remember what i used to be like, just going nonstop, making myself sick, ending up in the hospital or with pneumonia, or my favorite…legionaires disease. that one was rough. mainly because they told me it was a cold and to quit being a baby. story of my life.

jake and i got to spend some quality time together and i just love being around him. he rocks. he really does. how i scored a hot piece of arse like him…who knows? he will be in sanfrancisco for work next week and i would have loved to come and see barbe and diana and any of the other grrls that would be kind enough to show me your fair city, but i felt like spending almost 500 bucks on a ticket to go for a few days was just too much. of course jakie said he would pay for it, no problem, he likes me to come with him everywhere. he is one of the few husbands that really does want me to always be there. i just can’t bear the thought of him having to work the hours to pay for the damn ticket. we don’t have enough miles saved up yet, so. jake, when you read this, did you put your tickets on the card that gets the miles?

i am sleepy, so off i go.
i hope you guys know how much you all mean to me. your emails and (rare!) comments are always appreciated. jake always reads em, too. he will be doing another post soon, so always feel free to ask him if there is something you would like him to blog about…

xoxo
n.

in the last week, i have been contacted be several people that i haven’t spoken to in ages. one, a good friend from 7th grade, out of the blue, next, a friend that i stopped talking to years ago and a friend from junior high that happens to be my buddy butter’s girlfriend’s older sister (that was a mouthful) in a week. then, i had to go to the post office and use the machine, rather than a drive-by, which i normally do. we left home about 5 minutes later than jake wanted us to because i was watching gordon ramsey, so…anyway, whilst in the po, someone i known since my second year of college but hadn’t been speaking to for a little while now came in and said she needed to tell me something and that her dad (fuzzy) had died a few days ago. how strange is it that i happened to be right there at exactly the right time? usually jake goes for me to the po, or i go during the day, when i assume she would be at work. anyway. it got me thinking about things in general.

it made me think about how much i love my life. i adore my husband, the animules, being able to work as an artist, being accepted and happy. i am on good terms with my parents for the first time maybe ever. it took a lot of drama to get things smoothed out, but in the end, things just show themselves to be what they are, and it is undeniable. being honest in life is so important, good or bad. because things just always come out and it sucks to realize that you are left with nothing real, that you don’t have anything at all to show for your life.

fuzzy was an awesome guy, a fun person and the kind of dad that everyone wishes they could have. he was there for his family in every sense of the word, and he would be there for a stranger in need, also. everyone that knew him loved him dearly and it hasn’t even sunk in yet that he really really is gone. not 20 minutes away, but gone. he had the luck of having a close family and knowing that everyone knew how much he loved them and how much they loved him. what more can you ask for?

xoxo
n.

p.s.i will be blogging about a response i got to the post about lawrence. you read the response if you like on that post,