Archive for the ‘cfs’ Category

sooooo tired.

Wednesday, October 24th, 2007

i am having a really hard time getting up. i have stuff that has to get out today and i have just now gotten my coffee and pep pill. i am so tired. my mind has been racing with all of the things i want to make and do, but the body is just not cooperating. it is a funny thing, on lupus group online i notice that people make comments that lupus sucks, or chronic fatigue sucks, or whatever. i consider it to be a part of who i am. it is strange, when i really think about it. i have always felt that way about all of my various maladies, that they just are a part of me, just like the parts that i like. is that a healthy way to think? i dunno. i never think of any of my issues as things that will ever go away. it just is a part of me and i don’t really judge it beyond that. it just is.

regardless, the trip to LA really pooped me out. any trip or event tends to put me in a tailspin. that part of me is frustrating. it keeps me from traveling or participating in things i would like to be a part of. i am always in fear that i will be too sick and have to ditch out, which happens more often than not.

last night i kept waking up with a migraine, and this morning, too, so i guess this is the fallout from last night. i feel scrambled and tired. i figured i would moan about it a bit.

okay, getting up. getting going. wish me luck.
xo
n.

6 shower day

Thursday, September 27th, 2007

headfirst sleebing
man, i had a bad run. the last week or so i have just been feeling like poo. yesterday, worse and today, really bad. i am not exactly sure what the deal was. i did a bit of snooping on a new site i found called www.butyoudontlooksick.com that basically deals with all kinds of things that we deal with…at first, i thought it was just the lady problems that were making me flare up, i guess that is pretty normal in all of the maladies i have, but it got really bad. i had the sweats, the chills, heebie jeebies, i am not sure if i had a bad batch of patches. i ended up taking a shower, sitting down and drying off, getting dressed and back into bed and then basically getting back into the shower. by the 6th time, i took a chill pill (literally) a pain pill, put new patches on and was so exhausted that i sat down in the shower. i am not sure what it was that helped, but by the time i got out, i felt human, was able to watch ugly betty with jake and go online! wha?

i am super behind in getting any work done, getting orders out, returning and checking my email. it is beyond frustrating. i know i can only do what i can do, but it doesn’t change the fact that it drives me crazy. when i can’t even get myself somewhat under control with medications, i really start to freak out. i have been more emotional than i usually am, i am sure due to hormones, but still, when i don’t do anything, not even things i enjoy…don’t read a book, knit, talk on the phone, make something…anything, it just drives me crazy. i don’t wanna whine anymore, i just wanted to vent a bit.

jake is so sweet to me. he keeps asking what he can do, what he can get, what can he make…meanwhile, i haven’t even done a minimum of housework, cooked dinner, scooped litterboxes, nothing. i barely can get out of bed and take a shower. i am too tired to make a cup of coffee. he is just so kind. he never makes me feel guilty. he acts like it is crazy for me to think i should help out around the house, or do anything more than lie in bed all day. i don’t know that i could work as hard as he does, come home and do whatever needs to be done and still be so nice and sweet. i don’t think i could. i love you jakie. you is the best. you my flowa.
DSC06342.JPG
jake and izzy sleebing

okay, gotta check some emails. to-morrow, as jake always says, i will feel better.

mwah!
n.

tough titties.

Saturday, September 8th, 2007

at the risk of sounding like a bitcher and a moaner (i kinda am though), i will just say that i have been too tired to do really anything. i have been trying to push to at least get something productive done no matter how bad i feel…crochet a necky thing, do the fimo part of buttons in bed, small things, but i get so bummed out and depressed. i know i am hard on myself, but it really is torment to feel so lame. i have the creepycrawlies quite often, which i have had issues with for ages and took zanax for it years ago and had insanely bad memory problems (beyond the usual) so i don’t take it. it did help with that stuff though. additionally, from the 2 hour feeding schedule with the baby kitteh, i am just in another world. i have a headache pretty much all the time and have had 2 really bad ones that didn’t want to go away and i got panicky that i would have to go to the ER which then puts me down for a couple of days from the drugs they give me. i am really sleepy and tried to avoid getting online, even though my head feels a bit better, but after taking my pain pill, which made the migraine manageable, but i can feel the migraine underneath the pill, if that makes sense. i am nauseous and tired but can’t sleep. i have so much that i need to get done and caught up on and i am just so behind and it bums me out. i got super behind on emails (don’t even ask about blogs) and then some wholesale orders and listing stuff and packing swaps and things for friends, etc, etc, etc. some people (like katrina, jakie and barbe) are so patient with me it blows me away. i am flaky. i admit it. anyway, here is to hoping i am feeling more normal (in a good way) to-morrow and can get stuff done. if i wake up with a migraine i am going to be seriously pissed off.

in isobel news, she has learned a new gear…reverse! and fast, too. if you shake her toy at her or something she will just run backwards really fast. i was impressed. i showed jake and he cracked up, too. she is climbing her carrier bag and when she is out of it, i lay it on it’s side for her and she plays inside of it with the zipper open and will fall asleep in there on her own. we used the same bag for pavel because i had to take him to the tattoo shop with me to feed him, etc, and he was fine sleeping in there, but once he got mobile, he just wanted out. izzy seems to like it in there. her little nest. she does bite, her baby teeth just came in and i try to redirect her with her crocheted toy, but sometimes she will come up to my face and bite my nose or lips, but she does it really gently. odd. pavel bit(es) like he was trying to eat you. not good. at all.

this photo of izzy is from a week ago i think.
me?

i barely slept last night so i am going to try to do that now. wish me luck.

oh, also, i used fimo to make an ergonomic (if ugly) handle for my smaller crochet hooks. i haven’t used any of the small ones yet to check it out, but i think it should be better, although i saw that susan bates, my preferred hooks, is making metal hooks with bigger bamboo handles. finally. sheesh.

xo
n.

bzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…

Wednesday, March 14th, 2007

welp, here i am! i have been extra exhausted and migraineful when not so, and needed to get work done so i took my “pep” pill that my doctor gave me for such times. it is odd because when it wears off, it is so drastic, like a battery going dead…dead. so yesterday, i took a half, and about 4 hours later, it wore off. i was falling asleep around 5p and jake said i should take the other half so i wouldn’t fall asleep and wake up when he was sleeping, so i did and then was hyper like a maniac when he was trying to fall asleep and clearly annoying the crap out of him. i rarely can tell i am annoying him. when i take them, i am able to get so much done, i feel sort of winded, like i have been running (not that i really know what running would feel like) but i feel hyper at the same time. if i didn’t have the lupus and chronic fatigue, etc, etc, i wonder what i would be like? it is silly to really bother thinking about it, but i think i am fairly productive, all things considered, and i wonder if i would be manic and uber productive. who knows? not i. anyway, i got several mixed media pieces done which i really like a lot…wanna see?
this one is “come see”
come see
this one is “jump”
what now?
and “what now?”
what now?
and “march 5, 1974″
march 5, 1974
the little journal page is from a gardening journal i got at an auction that only has a few pages per year, at the beginning of spring until the end of summer saying the temperature, what is coming up and when and little clippings from the newspaper, mostly about gardening and gardening clubs. it is a bit odd. i have 3 more collages in the works. i overdid it a bit today, worked about 9 hours straight through which is a lot for me. i have had either a headache or bad nausea all day but don’t want to take my nausea meds because it makes me sleeeeeepy. i may just take it soon. gah! barf!

i printed out my shipping stuff which took FOREVER, it was a lot of packages, but i had other things that i had to handwrite that i need to mail off to-morrow. i had someone send me all of her weaving threads and stuff she didn’t need anymore that i was supposed to send some stuff, except that i can’t find her address (i saved the box for the label, but i can’t find it. anywhere.) i then searched through 2 of my email accounts and couldn’t find anything there and went onto knitter’s review forum where i met her, i think, and the conversation was gone, so i don’t have any idea how to even email her. i don’t remember what her username was. grrrr. i left a couple of posts and hopefully someone if not her will read it and contact her or me. i feel like a jerk. i actually almost sent the package to the wrong person. it is loaded full of good stuff that i know she will want, but…sigh. disorganization does have a price. i write everything down, but can’t remember where i wrote it. i couldn’t find any of my pencil sharpeners and after tearing the place up, i found it in my desk drawer. smart, eh? i do that a lot, put things in the place they should go, and then am not sure where i put it. sigh. i annoy myself sometimes. imagine how poor jake feels.

the studio is an utter pigsty and i need to clean it up after i get the last batch of orders out. it is so messy that i can barely move in there. i need to clean out my closet because i can store all of my fiber and things that are for sale on the shelves, so i have room for supplies i use on the studio shelves.

what else? one of my best clients sent me all of her yarn and fabric scraps plus a zillion of the little jewelry packs that had the bunny beads in them. i am soooo excited. once i get my errands done to-morrow and the cleaning up done, i hope to do some bunny yarns. she is the beeeeest! you know who you are lady!

i had a crazy nightmare the other night where a got caught in the middle of two gangs and they put everyone on their knees and told us to close our eyes and were cutting everyone in half vertically with a big piece of sheet metal. i couldn’t decide whether to keep my eyes closed or not. i didn’t want to make it easy for them…right as they were about to wack me, jake woke me up. there was actually a lot more to the nightmare, but a lot of it didn’t make any sense once i woke up. it did involve a sleezy hotel room that barbe booked for jake and i for our anniversary or something as a gag and we stayed there because we felt like we should, but it was super creepy and dirty and the only thing you could watch on tv was dirty movies. old ones. it has always bugged me that i only have creepy nightmares, never dreams. it seems like a reflection of my soul and self, that even in my own mind, i don’t get to be dazzling and successful. sigh.

a thunderstorm is starting, so i best get off of the computer. i love the rain!
mwah!
n.

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