Archive for the ‘dreams’ Category

holeeee crappolee!

Monday, August 13th, 2007

i listed some new toys and fiber and yarn on www.luxe.etsy.com and trolled for a bit to see what else was being listed under toys. so. i found lesley anne green’s fine art, masquerading as dolls. amazingly gorgeous in the total lack of realization that they are not gorgeous at all. wow. and via her site, i found scott radke’s work which is just…wow. wow. floored. did i say wow?

i had a dream about where the pieces i have been messing around with will be going. the phallic things will grow, and will be stitched and patched and puckered and have banners and junk. and they will be BIG. that is what i mean when i say grow. i also dreamed of a similar piece that is more figural, but with no limbs, no facial features, and will be striped burgundy/red and a dirty white or cream color. i plan to make one the size of a small child…i few feet tall and see what i want to do from there. the two big big ones (i already have two of the pointy ones that are a few feet tall that need to be stuffed and tormented) are crocheted. i need to figure out if that is realistic or not. i have always had an affection for obviously labor intensive work. i don’t use faux finishes. if it looks like there are 10 layers…there are probably actually 20. i have always felt in my own work that it doesn’t seem genuine otherwise. i am not sure why i feel this way. so much of art is fooling the eye. i, however, am a 3-d person. if there the work is flat, i feel like it isn’t finished, that it needs some other dimension. for my own work, i just love it to be a mixture. that makes it feel like a part of my world, rather than something i just look at.

i guess because of my spacial issues, i don’t do more than glance, even if i want to. but when the piece has more dimension to it, i feel like it is a being. a part of my world, rather than just a thing to look at. does that make sense?

so, i packed orders, spun a bit of yarn and then ran out to joann’s to get the cheapo big skeins of yarn for the striped sculpture, although, as i said, it really might end up being sewn. we will see.

also, i worked on some legs for the bird softies. i got round nose pliers, as barbe had gently suggested, rather than using random pliers from around the house, and i was stunned how much easier it was to make what i envisioned. whoa! i just need to see how it works out to attach the legs. and then…woo!

i haven’t been sleeping lately, literally just not. last night anyway, i kept trying to no avail. so i am tired. my skin is a total wreck. my hormones are crazy, i think.

as i was leaving the house to run errands yesterday, i slid my foot into my pretty beaded flip flops and they were wet. i look down to see that peeps (no one else pees all over the house, well, excpet for me, anyway.) had peed on my sandals. it got on the bottom of my vans but that was it. she is something. and if you attempt to ignore her to punish her, she goes nuts. she all but does the highland fling to get you to look at her.bad monkey.

okay, well, here are the new softies that are listed, so pop by and buy em whilst you can!
www.luxe.etsy.com update
here
and here
and here, too.

mwah!
n.

Posted in amigurumi, art, dreams, etsy, sculpture | No Comments »

teary-eyed

Monday, July 2nd, 2007

last night, there was a catfight of enormous proportions. i was sleeping on my back, with a headache, had just fallen asleep. kahlo was sleeping on my chest. pavel decided he would like to attack the sleeping kahlo, who was, as i said, on my chest. someone scratched me and jake and ran around on top of us fighting and then peeps heard that there was a fight involving her sister and ran to her aid, again, running over us. we broke up the fight, but the continued it all over the house for most of the night and today, as well. while i was in the shower, peeps attacked pavel and it was horrible screaming sound (caterwauling?) and i had to call jake in to break it up. craziness! there is fur all over the house (fur was flying. that is what that means) and pavel has been walking around growling. goodness.

while i was in the shower, a friend that i hadn’t seen in a year stopped by. we are bizarro twins…at least to me…so it surprised me when our hair was cut almost the same way even though we hadn’t seen each other. actually, i think mine had been that way a little while ago. so odd. it was really nice to see her.

i appreciate your sweet comments about my post. i think my hormones got me more emotional than need be. usually, i just do my thing, because it is what i have to do. i don’t really feel like i have a choice, but sometimes i feel like i need to be making more of a CAREER out of it for myself, you know?

i have hideous bad cramps, although they are better right now than they were earlier, so i am going to go catch up on email etc. i really will post the 2 new toys i made tomorrow. i need to take photos. and then there will be a few listed either tomorrow or wednesday, so check the luxe.etsy.com store, okay?

i love you guys! i really do.
n.

Posted in catfights, dreams | 2 Comments »

don’t waste your life…

Sunday, July 1st, 2007

last night, or rather, this morning, i had a dream…i was at my grandfather’s (who died a little while ago in real life) farewell. it was like he was a king of sorts and all kinds of bigwigs were there to say goodbye. in the dream, my mother asked me to keep out of sight because my grandmother didn’t want anyone to see me. after the mayhem was over, i went over to my grandfather and my mother thought he had died and had taken off his tie because my grandmother had told her that there were diamonds inside of it (my mom really is a generous person in real life, i am not sure what this part meant) and i put my head to my grandfather’s chest and i could hear his heart beating…i looked at his face and he opened his eyes suddenly and they were blue…cloudy like a blind person’s eyes would be even though his eyes are brown, and he said to me “tashie…don’t waste your life…” and i told him i wouldn’t. and he was gone. jake’s alarm went off and literally a moment after he said that, i bolted up in bed.

my family left south africa when i was little due to the political climate. we grew up mostly without grandparents. my dad’s parents died when we were fairly young, and my mom’s parents would come to visit every few years maybe, my granny is not a caller, a card sender, or a gift sender, so all of us grew up kind of without grandparents. for some reason, my granny, who is mean to everyone has a soft spot for me, even though my mom says that she tells her that i am mentally ill for having tattoos and she is ashamed of me. who knows? regardless, she is fairly mean to most people’s faces, and is really sweet to me, so i just take it as it is. anyway, the dream was very odd, because i really loved my gramps and was sad when he died, but i was in america, so i didn’t get to go to the funeral in australia (that’s where my rellies live now). i had a dream the day he died and knew that he had, though. those things happen with me sometimes.

the dream i had last night really freaked me out. it made me wonder what it was that i was really meant to be doing that is important and meaningful. it made me upset because i feel lazy, even though i know i am too tired or sick sometimes to do more than i do. i worry that i suck as a business owner and don’t work hard enough as an artist. i don’t even know how to vocalize how i feel. i am so flaky about my work. i hop around from one thing to another. of course, i go through phases of utter obsession to one thing and then just get it out of my system and move on. i wonder, is there something that i should be doing? what is my idea of living my life fully?

my family and friends are important to me. i would do anything for them. making things is important to me, but at the same time, it is a compulsion that i couldn’t ever avoid. i have to. but should i be focusing on fine art? do i even have any desire to be a part of the “art world” again? there is a wonderful middle ground of fiber art and fine art that has a softer edge to it that is a better fit for me, but i guess i need to really try to figure out what my goals are and start working toward them in some kind of organized way. you know, like working?

i feel scattered. lazy. i know that i produce a lot of stuff, but i guess i feel unfocused.

i will also add that i got my period today and i know that my tears a few hours after the dream had to do with that.

jakie got up early on a sunday when he has to work next week to help a friend move,and between the two of us, we have moved probably more than 30-40 times i bet and he hates moving more than almost anything. although we haven’t seen him a whole lot lately. that jake…he is a good monkey. and then on saturday, he got up early and drove i think about an hour away to give red blood cells and take the bone marrow doner test for a co-worker who is having a drive because his kid has leukemia. again, he is such a nice person. he has the universal blood type, so he donates all the time. he is the guy that helps anyone and doesn’t expect anything from anyone ever. his mom and dad are that way, too. i think lots of people are generous, but it is always so amazing to me when you see someone like jake that really just does it to help and there is no expectation of anything. sweet. i love him!

i am going to be listing some of the softies on www.luxe.etsy.com to-morrow, i think. i made a new one today out of one of the first “yarns” i ever spun when i got my drop spindle from sheep and wool. let’s say that it is um…not so soft and a bit…overtwisted. it is just natural colored and kinda felted but it worked well for the amigurumi. i will take photos of him and the third sister beaverhousen to-morrow. i also need to work on writing up their info onto whatever so that whoever buys them has their birthday info and background. immunizations and such. handspun yarn works incredible well with them. i gave this new guy a bellybutton. not sure what his story is yet. he refuses to talk to me. so. i will post that to-morrow.

i finished never let me go, which was a bit um…boring and predictable. and at the end, i wasn’t sure what the point even was. i think it must have been about technology and science without any moral limitations. it was just…slow. and i knew where it was going, but i kept reading thinking that there must be more to it. must be. yeah. nope. not so. and in the end, it is about human cloning for use as donors, and it is hard to decide really if it is worse to let a sick child die or use an organ from a person who was born to donate and has no issue with it. that was the especially strange part. it never occurred to any of them that they could run away. they didn’t seem angry, or upset that they couldn’t have a life past their teenaged years. you cared for those that donated until you yourself became a donor, and they took your organs at multiple times until you die. it is kind of hard for me to feel anything for the flat characters that didn’t seem to aspire to anything at all. even animals going to the slaughter fight. fish out of water thrash about…so. i don’t recommend the book. one of the reviews i read compared it to margaret atwood and i was offended. i guess it wasn’t poorly written just very slow and very very dull. i am now upwards and onwards to the book i have been waiting for…rant by chuck p. i got it on vacation, but jake wanted to read it and i had a bunch of other books. anyway, as always, his books are really fun to read and exciting. he is fantastically quotable, and i have a colored pencil in the book, as usual. my absolute favorite of chuck palahniuk’s books is called diary. if you are an artgirl or boy and like a good, exciting book…this one…soooo goood. i have read it more than once, which is really rare for me and you catch amazing little morsels everytime. so pick it up. really good. this one is an oral history of the man blamed for a world epidemic of rabies. yeah.

also, we watched “close your eyes” which was rather good. okay, i am getting sleeeeepy…
xo
n.

Posted in dreams | 6 Comments »

and on the other hand…

Sunday, March 4th, 2007

we hung out with butter and his new girlfriend on friday, and i was really glad that she was really nice and intelligent. i tend to not do so well meeting girlfriends. let’s leave it at that. i think this one went fairly well.

i woke up saturday and was just exhausted. i tried to push myself to do work anyway, i did 3 bobbins of singles on the electric, strung a million flowers and pompoms for plying and then pushed myself to go in the studio and finish a custom order yarn, and literally by the end of the bobbin, my legs were cramped and i had to push to finish it up. i was incredibly frustrated with myself, but that was it. i did what i could. i was supposed to pack orders, but i was out of the tyvek envelopes i use, or the flat rate boxes, all i have is a big one or a really small one. so i couldn’t do orders, which was fine, because i was too tired to do it, really. so jake got groceries. and made dinner. he is a sweet boy. anytime i get exhausted like that, i get depressed about things. not about being sick, but just other things. i decided that i would like to have some people over for a tea and knitting or crafting, spinning lesson if you fancy (i have 2 manual wheels and an electric and i love teaching.) so any of you that live nearby, let me know and we can start organizing.

today, i feel a bit better, although i didn’t sleep well and had freaky dreams about a cupboard in my mom’s house that has the candy in it, and i was looking for peppermint crisps, which is an awesome south african candy that is thin shards of peppermint in chocolate. i love mint and chocolate, anyway, i opened a box up and live crabs came out. and then i started freaking out trying to get them into the box they came out of. it was creepy. anyone know what the hell that meant? maybe it means that if you try to take your mom’s foreign chocolate stash, you may get crabs? and my family never eats seafood, only fish. and my mom rarely cooked fish either because she thought it stunk. although when we cook fresh fish, it doesn’t. but anyway. we never had stuff like that.

on best week ever they were saying that jennifer hudson from dream girls is the girl you want to just be friends with because she is not “hot” like beyonce, and said that about other people that are gorgeous, but regular sized women, and i got so furious. has anyone noticed that most models are not actually…pretty? skinny? yes. the face? not so important. similarly with many actresses and other stars. they are considered “hot” or “sexy” even if they are not actually terribly attractive. thin…yes, that is all that matters. talented? that doesn’t really matter either. and then, if you are too thin, which is the difference between the olsen twin that is 100 lbs, and the one that is 90 lbs…well, then, you are gross. let me go on to say that in college, i got chubby. after college, i got even chubbier. i went on the atkins diet and literally lost my taste for food. i was going through some bad stuff, and i think it was the only thing i could control, and control, i did. i found that once you totally cut out any carbs or sugars, you don’t want them. nothing tempts you. i have never had a great appetite. if it isn’t really good, i won’t eat it. and i don’t eat much, i pick. somehow, i am still chubby. anyway, i got skinnier than i have ever been, i am short and have a small frame (about 5’2) and i got down to a bit more than 100 lbs, a size 2 or 4. i loved it. i felt awesome. and guys went nuts over me. i remembered the same guys that didn’t give me a second glance and anyone that gave me that vibe, i told to screw off. i never forgot it. it bothers me so much that i am critical of other people’s bodies. my gran and mom are, as well. and it just sucks. i look at the fashion models with their creepy 11 year old boy bodies, and i wonder how that has become the ideal. and don’t get me wrong, for the people who are naturally skinny, they have their own kind of beauty that does not add or take away from anyone else’s, but that is not the same as people starving themselves because the media has so much to say about anyone that is not super thin that they develop issues. anyway. it really upset me to see the incredibly ugly comedians on best week ever making those kinds of comments about women that were in fact drop dead gorgeous. i imagine that when they look in the mirror they are the new 007? or look like a sesame street character.

barbe and i are hoping to do a podcast this week. we are thinking that we will make it shorter…what do you guys think of that? was it too long? be honest. we are new at this.

we are going to check out new mattresses today. ours is beat and we are crippled when we wake up or turn over. anyone who has gotten a really good mattress recently, leave a comment and let me know what you got and what you thought of it. i am excited! it has been far too long.

i should be updating luxe.etsy.com later today, proably around 6p, so check in, okay? i didn’t get a chance to do more batts, but there are some gorgeous targhee ones still available, plus the henny penny ones, which are crazy carded with lots of fun stuff in there. i have loads of fiber dyed up for new batts, plus i just got in a bunch of locks to dye that will be available, probably by the ounce. i have had some issues with my dyes being really pastelly, so i think the dye batches may be too old. although, i will use em up anyway, and just not plan for them to be bright. they still come out really pretty. i am a color junkie, so i am pretty open to whatever comes out…

i have been working on some embroideries of drawings i have done, of the strange plants i was drawing a while ago. i want to do some mixed media pieces with similar drawings. i really adore them. i like the feather ones, too. i know i posted them before, i but i will post em again for any new peeps….
drawerings
i really enjoy the repetition of embroidery my drawings, although i am now realizing from starting some of them that i need to enlarge them. i do them on vintage linens. i am never sure how to frame the, although, it might be fine just in a plain frame under glass. suggestions? most all of the embroideries are on vintage linens with lacy edges, so i can’t just stretch it, you know? i would prefer not to pay 200 bucks to have it framed pro, either.

oh, for some reason, on my yahoo account, i have been getting penis enlargement/viagra and the like/local horny slut spams. the same ones everyday but from a different fake name. anyone else have this problem? my penis really is big enough.

this morning i watched a movie called duma about a boy and a cheetah that was really a sweet movie. it would be suitable for kids, and for catlovers. and has a happy ending. cheetah gets a lady cheetah.

okay, off i go.
xo
n.

Posted in body image, dreams, dyeing, etsy, luxe, weight | 3 Comments »

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