luxe

being alone is so odd. jake and i are always together, always. we rarely do things apart and i miss him. what i notice, though, is that i don’t eat meals, except for breakfast, and that i push myself to do more when he isn’t around. i worry that i take advantage of him, letting him run around and do errands for me. ya know?

i got two ott-lights for 100 bucks, a desk one and a standing one and i put the desk one next to my bed to see if it was any better, because i do a lot on the bed, prep-wise, etc. at first, i thought it was making my eyes go funny, like a regular florescent light, but actually, i think my eyes are just trying to get used to it. i am really sensitive to lighting. if i shop at a big box store that has floro lights, i tend to get bad headaches. i didn’t really sleep last night and then woke up when the sun came up, actually feeling rather energetic. i wondered if it was the light. i know that might sound dumb, but i just don’t tend to wake up early and have enough energy to get up at 6:30 and make some coffee and cereal.

in izzy news, she has been pretty wild. she figured out how to climb up one of the scratchers (as well as using it to scratch on) like spidergirl, and does that with the bed, too. she got up on the scratcher and got onto the window sill and looked out the window. she really is just all over the place. and what else? i found her in the bathroom sleeping next to pavel’s socky. a sec later, pavel came in, i thought he would freak out, he doesn’t like anyone, even us, touching his socky, but he not only didn’t get mad at izzy but he laid down next to her…about a foot away. izzy thinks pavel is very cool, clearly, and he seems to like her following him around. cute. it would be nice for him to have a cat friend. plus, he doesn’t pee everywhere like peeps does, he is really good in that respect, so he would be a good cat role model for izzy.

so, i finished some yarn orders, packed stuff up, went to the post office, popped into the craft store to get some things there to do more beaded poppies (i have loads). i think i would to do a poppy scarf that is almost solid poppies. maybe on a lace scarf or a silk scarf or fabric. dunno. it would be expensive because it would take a lot of time, but it would be a showstopper.

i am being attacked by the kitten and typing is a challenge. i am going to sign off before i freak out. oh, i finished a couple of standing amigurumi and felt birdies that i will take photos of to-morrow. woooooot!

headache. sleepy. going. going. gone.
xoxoxoxoxoxo
n.

happy talk like a pirate day, all. additionally, happy 21st birfday barbe! woot!
so guess who has been using the litterbox? izzy! i am very excited about it. now, to get her off of the bottle.

i took one of my pep pills today again in order to get out of bed. yesterday, i got up, izzy wanted to be fed and was fiercely attempting to eat my hand, so i gathered up my coffee cup and other dirty dishes, plus izzy and went to the kitchen. i dodged a pile of cat puke and then slipped on what i think was water from pavel splashing around in the water dish. not sure. anyway…i landed in the hurdle jumping position, smashed a mug, cut my thigh in two places with teeny shards of it and scared the crap out of myself and izzy, who i was clutching against my shoulder. let me add that in my family…okay, my mom and brother (sorry josh), when we fall down…something usually gets broken. in fact, i can’t remember the last time i had a mishap that did not involve a broken something. in this case, mug. hee. anyway, i got banged up but didn’t even get a bruise! and i am the bruisy type. so, i think i landed on my right hand because it has been hurting more than the usual fibro stuff, but otherwise, no worries.

yesterday i worked on some halloween yarns and today worked on more buttons and then my pill wore off on me and i felt like i had been beaten. that is the huge downside. you feel so so tired when it wears off. and jittery. a bad combination. anyway…here are some of the photos, although i have more to show. i tried sanding some, but they didn’t look that great for the amount of work that was involved, really.

xo
n.

so. i know, i have been absent. everyone knows why. a combo of lupus/cfs/fybro/migraines….and….ISOBEL. she eats my energy for breakfast. again, if you have children that are alive and have thrived…my hat is off to you. i am not wearing a hat, but you know, my hair hat. my kitten is off to you, anyway. so, i had a hectic weekend which involved errands on friday, the in-laws for dinner, they were gracious enough to come over here because izzy had been left alone for a few hours whilst i ran my errands and she doesn’t travel so well anymore. she is so fast. on the upside, she ran around downstairs and played the whole time we ate dinner, so she was pooped that night. i had a bad-ish headache and jake let me sleep in on saturday, which i hugely appreciated and then i went out to meet shannon (aka the knitgrrl), andi and lovely heather who unleashed her enormous stash of yarn on me (woot woot!) i felt guilty giving her two batts and charlotte sometimes (the pink bird with the white scarf, which is good because cleveland is cold!), so i will have to make her another package. all of the yarn is still sitting in bags in my bedroom, but i did look through all of it and ooh and aah. we met at ikea which is normally a bit more than an hour away in no traffic, i had a headache when i woke up still, but we had afun time and then by the time i was leaving, it was getting hurty. the traffic was backed up bumper to bumper all the way home, so it took me an extra 1 1/2 hours to get home. with the bad migraine. i actually got the panicky “i am stuck in a car an indeterminate amount of time away from home and i keep almost vomiting and i want to cry” thing going on. that night i totally conked out. let me add that i scored at ikea. i got these gigantor plastic bags…that thick plastic like the bags that mailmen use…from ikea that have handles and deep zippers, literally i could fit inside of the one, and the other is slightly smaller. i had to fight not to buy a bunch of em, but i can now take my stuff to the post office without having to attempt to hold the post office bag up over my shoulders to keep it from dragging. although, after my last deliveries of packages that made me have to do two trips, i think i will get pick up. i just don’t want to leave it outside, ya know?

so sunday, i did groceries and target and the pet store and then walmart because the pet store didn’t have the formula that izzy prefers…nay, the only one she will eat. so i spent the whole day out and today i woke up at 3pm and got no work done because i was so exhausted. so. to-morrow i am excited to do some of the halloween yarns and work on some buttons and get stuff listed. i have a stack of stuff. i feel like a jerk. i haven’t added much stuff in ages. gah!

wanna see some of the new neckywarmers with the handmade buttons?

not much else, i loaded up some new photos on flickr of izzy. she moves really fast, so they aren’t great, but they are cute…

she is all about getting into everything and if she is awake when i attempt to check my emails, she will run across the keyboard to hear the bong sound that the mac makes, swats at the screen and tries to eat the cord. the battery is dead on this laptop, so if she eats the cord, we have to buy a new one. so. if i move her or tap her on the snoot, she just goes right back to it, in a second. bad bad monkey. i actually lost my temper last night and just closed the computer. i would be a bad mom. she has pooped and peed on the floor by herself, which is good. we are trying to get her to use the litterbox, but she isn’t into it. i got the feline pine stuff because you aren’t supposed to use regular litter lest they eat it. i may need to get something different. additionally, i cannot get her to eat off of a spoon or saucer. she will only drink her milk and out of a bottle. really soon, she needs to get onto the 2nd step formula to get enough nutrition. i am mixing the two to get her used to it. wish us luck. all kittens, all the time.

i will take photos of some of the new knits and yarns. i have some ideas for some scarves with handmade felt roses. maybe fabric. i have loads. i dreamed about it.
eeeeee.

xoxo
n.

isobel was on a good stretch of holding her bladder, it was almost odd, really. and then…i had a few major incidents and i always gasp, everytime it happens. gah. otherwise, she is getting fast. here she is with the crocheted thingy i made her to chew on and play with. she likes it. i also dug out the stuffed teething rings that we got for pavel to attempt to redirect him from biting when he was wee, which didn’t workout so well. he never really got out of the habit.

i took one of my provigil “pep” pills this morning because i have to get my ass in gear and do some work no matter how tired i feel. at least today i didn’t feel horrid from the start. izzy didn’t want to sleep, she wanted to play and act crazy (which involves biting my lips, nose and attempting to scratch me in the eye with her really sharp little claws) big fun. i don’t drink milk, i have always hated it and was allergic to it as a tot, so i have a hard time telling if she is being fussy with her milk or it is going off, so i end up going down to warm up a new bottle at some ridiculous time and then she doesn’t want it anyway. gah! she can climb out of her bag, so i always worry that i won’t wake up when she starts doing it, although i am a light sleeper and usually do.

once the pep wears off, i have usually been such a spaz that i have a headache, which i do, and didn’t eat (i know why mom’s steal their kids’ ritilin) it really not only kills your appetite, but it makes you forget to eat, too. i did get some stuff done today, i will try to get you photos to-morrow, i have to pack up lots of stuff to ship, so i may not have time. i am also hoping to make time to visit one of my favorite people in the universe, gabe, who is in the neighborhood of the post office and art supply.

barbe gave me a really cool link for an artist that works in polymer clay. you guys know i am an admitted snob, but i really didn’t realize what you can do with polymer clay. one of the nice features that ceramics don’t have is that you can use the mica powders and glazes, etc, etc, the whole way around without concern of a big drippy part or it sticking to the kiln. i cannot be trusted with a torch (a semester of metal smithing showed that very clearly), i am way to scatterbrained and can barely use an electric skillet or heat gun without wounding myself. additionally, i have ripped out hair with a flexshaft even though i had it tied back. i lean in to everything really really close. it is a bad habit. when i tattooed i did that too, and when blood is involved, it is a good idea to back the truck up, ya know?

oh! reginald the lion with male pattern baldness has sold to a man in london who has offered reg a position in his blues band, nights out on the town and a place to crash! how cool is that? reg told me that my place sucks and he is very excited to be moving to europe. he may be pissed when he finds out that he will be in a box airmail and not a private jet. still, he gets to live in a really cool place that i imagined i would live when i was an angst filled teen. i may have to make him some pants before he goes, though. i would hate to see him out in the cold rain in his underclothes. wanna have a last look at him before he leaves?

i realized that my cell phone had died because i haven’t charged it in a really long time, so if you called my cell and not home number, i am not avoiding you. call me at home, dammit. i probably have a zillion messages. i need an assistant. that doesn’t need to get paid. and will wake me up and get me coffee. and poop and feed the kitten. did ya know that they can’t poop by themselves until they get bigger? jealous now? also, could ya do my hair? that would rock. and make-up?

oh, lastly…does anyone have texture sheets for polymer clay that they don’t want? they aren’t that expensive and i can make some myself, but if anyone has some, gimme a shout, kay?

mwah!
n.

at the risk of sounding like a bitcher and a moaner (i kinda am though), i will just say that i have been too tired to do really anything. i have been trying to push to at least get something productive done no matter how bad i feel…crochet a necky thing, do the fimo part of buttons in bed, small things, but i get so bummed out and depressed. i know i am hard on myself, but it really is torment to feel so lame. i have the creepycrawlies quite often, which i have had issues with for ages and took zanax for it years ago and had insanely bad memory problems (beyond the usual) so i don’t take it. it did help with that stuff though. additionally, from the 2 hour feeding schedule with the baby kitteh, i am just in another world. i have a headache pretty much all the time and have had 2 really bad ones that didn’t want to go away and i got panicky that i would have to go to the ER which then puts me down for a couple of days from the drugs they give me. i am really sleepy and tried to avoid getting online, even though my head feels a bit better, but after taking my pain pill, which made the migraine manageable, but i can feel the migraine underneath the pill, if that makes sense. i am nauseous and tired but can’t sleep. i have so much that i need to get done and caught up on and i am just so behind and it bums me out. i got super behind on emails (don’t even ask about blogs) and then some wholesale orders and listing stuff and packing swaps and things for friends, etc, etc, etc. some people (like katrina, jakie and barbe) are so patient with me it blows me away. i am flaky. i admit it. anyway, here is to hoping i am feeling more normal (in a good way) to-morrow and can get stuff done. if i wake up with a migraine i am going to be seriously pissed off.

in isobel news, she has learned a new gear…reverse! and fast, too. if you shake her toy at her or something she will just run backwards really fast. i was impressed. i showed jake and he cracked up, too. she is climbing her carrier bag and when she is out of it, i lay it on it’s side for her and she plays inside of it with the zipper open and will fall asleep in there on her own. we used the same bag for pavel because i had to take him to the tattoo shop with me to feed him, etc, and he was fine sleeping in there, but once he got mobile, he just wanted out. izzy seems to like it in there. her little nest. she does bite, her baby teeth just came in and i try to redirect her with her crocheted toy, but sometimes she will come up to my face and bite my nose or lips, but she does it really gently. odd. pavel bit(es) like he was trying to eat you. not good. at all.

this photo of izzy is from a week ago i think.

i barely slept last night so i am going to try to do that now. wish me luck.

oh, also, i used fimo to make an ergonomic (if ugly) handle for my smaller crochet hooks. i haven’t used any of the small ones yet to check it out, but i think it should be better, although i saw that susan bates, my preferred hooks, is making metal hooks with bigger bamboo handles. finally. sheesh.

xo
n.

well, again, for those of you that have raised a child and also done anything else whatsoever (put on makeup, check emails, use the phone, eat) get my kudos. i could never do it. i really couldn’t. so, needless to say, the kitten has got me on a strange schedule. i am now attempting feedings every 4 hours instead of every 2, but she gets fussy sometimes and i keep trying to feed her when she does that. also, she is very nocturnal and wants to be up and playing (biting my lips and nose with her sharp baby milk teeth) and farting the grossest farts you have ever ever smelled (i checked online about that and it is normal from the air in the bottle and the fermenting of the milk in the digestive tract) but it is nonstop. seriously, you would swear that she drinks guiness and eats chili dogs and hot wings or something. so bad. sometimes, she will do a burp/fart combo. good thing that she is really cute. peeps is actually sort of interested in her, she will sit near her bag or near her, she is sleeping against the carrier right now, actually, which is odd because she has never liked any other cat. i have been calling isobel mini-peeps because they are both fuzzy. izzy goes right up to peeps with her lack of ability to focus and when she gets right up on her, peeps smacks her on the head or goes for her neck, but is actually rather gentle with her, no claws. it would be nice for peeps to have a kitty friend, you know? anyway, i know you have been wanting photos, so i am giving you some. there are TONS more new ones on flickr. she is a month old now (i think) according to the developmental milestones.

i am incredibly behind on work of any sort, and have been absolutely exhausted, but i felt better today, despite only a couple of hours of sleep. i have made several neckywarmers with the handmade buttons which i will attempt to get listed soon. i haven’t done an update in ages and i really really need to. soon. i did a few veggie ones that are nice and soft, too. i can’t even remember anything else. here is some eyecandy for ya though.

thanks for all of the sweet comments and emails, they really make me smile.
mwah.
n.

let me kick off this post by saying that jake and i had a wedding anniversary on thursday. as much as i feel like a bad partner due to my constant lameness/exhaustion/etc/etc i am amazed that jake doesn’t tire of me and is so sweet and kind to me and never gets mad at me. we were at his parents house for supper and i was talking to his mum about jealousy and she said to me in the most honest way “you are so lucky that you never have to worry about jake looking at anyone else. you can just tell how much he loves you.” and she is not a smoke up the bum sort of person. when someone’s mom wishes they had a husband like them…that is pretty impressive. not that his dad is not a great fella.

i never would have imagined that i would be married at all. i was always a no marriage sort of person. remember that episode of the facts of life when jo ran away and got married to that guy in the army? well, i felt like marriage was like that. young people living in a pop-up vw van or something. i am not sure why, either, because my parents are very happily married and have always gotten along really well. when i was with jake, it was like he just took me for what i was, lumps and all, and somehow didn’t seem to see those lumps as bad things. he makes me feel like my maladies made me more special. he looked at me like no one has ever looked at me. he wouldn’t let me push him away. he didn’t push me. he was just there when i was ready. he is the kind of man that just seems like he has a plan and kn
ows what is going on. he makes me feel safe. i had never felt safe before. that is probably my own issue, but we moved around all the time as a kid. we had no family around, no long time friends. i felt like it was just me.

he has given me the strength to really do what i want to do. my only limitation is myself. i can go as far as i can go. i love him so much. i admire him so much. he is the most kind and beautiful person, inside and out, that i have ever known. i love you jake. you rock.

and on to kitteh stuff. guess who is teething? (hint…it isn’t me) so she is really fussy and wants to chew and suck on my fingers which makes me skin crawl. dunno why. she really works up a suction, tell ya what! my sleep schedule is super jacked up, i get up about every two and a half hours to feed her, and she is fussy so it normally takes at least an hour to get her fed pooped and back to sleep. and she starting to climb out of her bag, now, so that is kind of an issue if she wakes up and tries to take off. aye aye aye! she is beyond adorable, though. she will do the attack thing with me, and it is so cute to see her trying to be a little badass. so, you want some photos, i reckon? i must say, she has been creating such a stir! peeps is surprisingly good with her. the other cats stay away from her and us, which bums me out. it got better briefly, but now it is back to no other cats around.

this is where she usually is…

there are tons more on my flickr if you want to die from the sickening sweetness. like eating marshmallow fluff, but with no calories! to help to detach you, she farts a lot. bad bad kitten farts. she tries to pass them off on her woobie, but blankets don’t fart. they just don’t. do they? okay, one more…

i have gotten NO work done. yesterday, rather than doing internet stuff that i needed to do, i made the buttons i wanted to make because i haven’t gotten to do goddamn anything. they came out well, i think i have some things figured out much better now to do them faster. wanna see? i may do a tutorial, although they are super easy, so i dunno if it is needed. what do you think? i am also thinking off adding some paper and things like the beads i did…

i will be selling them in my store soon. they are nice and big, over and inch. i have made some neckywarmers that will either have some big vintage button closures or some of the fancy buttons i made. i did some toggle buttons the same way, too. i saw a couple of things about making polymer clay buttons that suggested embedding a small button inside of it for added strength and to use the shank, although i personally hate using shank buttons. i may try it just to make sure that the don’t split where the holes are. they were really fun to make and i only burned myself once with the heat gun. they look like raku, no?

and now for some fantastic links! ibenhoej.com and
kirsty hall who has a project where she will post an envelope filled with something secret to herself everyday and not open them until the exhibit. i love that idea. i have the worst memory of anyone who isn’t senile (seriously) to the degree that i can look through my sketchbooks and ooh and ah. i ran into this GORGEOUS french site coleur clementine which i had somehow never even heard of before. fabu!

okay, it is about 2:30 am, so i should probably try to sleep a bit before izzy wakes up to eat. i actually fell asleep around 8, i think and woke up around midnight. crazy. forgot to eat. oops. and yet, a fat bum.

i am really really trying to get an update out this weekend. i feel like i have been a horrible business owner. i also have a couple of wholesale orders that i need to get finished soon. i haven’t touched my wheel since i made those cotton yarns (which will be in the update)

i am really trying to be better about blogging. i want to, i just get so exhausted, ya know? i am ever behind on emails. really behind. my mum and dad sent me an amazon gift certificate for our anniversary days ago and i didn’t even know. i still haven’t checked it. i get so overwhelmed tht i just don’t want to look, ya know. bad. i know that i have to try harder. i just have to. once izzy is weened (which should be soon, i imagine in a month or so, she should be independent) i will be a person again. for those of you with children who actually do ANYTHING else at all…wow. you blow me away. it is more than a full time job and unlike a kitten, they aren’t okay on their own in a couple of months. sheesh. also, cat mamas are something else. can you imagine taking care of 6 newborns at the same time and only using your mouth! sheesh.

okay. mwah. mwah. mwah.
n.

well, we are into day 3 almost with the kitten. we named her isobel cash (because of her johnny cash-like pompadour) which will likely end up being izzy or belle. i liked belle a lot, but this is the best of both worlds, i reckon. she is doing well, eating regularly, pooping big smelly runny kitten poops (to her chagrin…she screams and flails and is humiliated) and sleeping lots. i have a fuzzy hat i knitted a while ago that i used as a place to sleep in for her, and then inside of the little dog carrier bag we used for pavel, and then she peed on it, so i used a little dog sweater that i made as a prototype to put her in which she is all wrapped up in. she tries to search for a nipple in the fuzz of it every so often. cute. i found two fleas on her the first night, and i swear i saw one today, but then i couldn’t find it with the flea comb. anyone know any natural flea remedies that would be okay for a 2 week old kitty? here is one more for your pleasure…

as for the other cats, kahlo, who normally sleeps on me all night long…okay, anytime i am reclining, slept downstairs. she never does that ever. peeps laid on the bed but was peeved. pavel slept in the closet and is terrified of the kitten. he is terrified of everything, though. this afternoon kahlo came in and laid down on my waist, which is something, although she kept hissing. i feel guilty. here is a photo of k, so that she is involved. she is my best fuzzy friend, she is always there for me when i am sad or sick or…okay, just all the time. she is a sweet girl.

jake is absolutely enamored with this little baby. it is hard not to be. she smells of that baby animal milky smell. awwww.

otherwise, nothing. i have gotten nothing done. i had to get up every couple of hours for the kitten, so i woke up with a whopper of a headache. hopefully to-morrow will be better. it also POURED most of the day, as it has for the last week or so. i actually love the rain, although i know in lots of areas of the state people are out of house and home due to bad flooding. i wonder if i would still love the rain in those circumstances.

i reckon that is about all for now…
warm kitteh fuzzies
n.